Well this has been an interesting couple of weeks. Got the very much expected awesome news that God had healed my cancer! PRAISE GOD for His awesomeness! Then yesterday, Wednesday, started radiation. If you recall, I said they wanted to include chemo with the radiation. I investigated the drug, Erbitux, and was confused, and concerned about the side effects. I started asking God for guidance, and I got it. I had signed up for a marketing research interview about cancer drugs, and my thoughts on them. I did not know everything that would be discussed, but knew that one possibility was the drug Erbitux. Do you really doubt that God has incredible timing? I dont. I will admit, that though taught different, I still often used to have doubts. I NO LONGER DO!!! Some of the things I saw during that interview convinced me that this drug was not one I should be using. Like I said, God's timing is incredible. Now there is still a possibility of more chemo treatments, but NOT with the Erbitux. They are talking about using one of the drugs they have been using all along, but nothing is positive just yet.
I am however doing the radiation. I really did not totally know what to expect, except the medical people telling me that I would be miserable, and all kind of negative things. I guess that is what they know are the possibilities, and with some people the likely outcome. However, Im believing something totally different. God has been so faithful to protect me thru this journey, why should I believe anything different at this point? I shouldn't! Im totally believing that God will not allow the new tissue he created in healing to be damaged in any way by radiation or chemo.
Ive only had 2 radiation treatments at this point, 3rd one is tomorrow. To date, NO side effects aside from some fatigue, but thats nothing compared to what it could be happening. According to the calendar they have given me, I should be done by the end of the 2nd week of July. That sounds to me like Im on the downhill side of this treatment. There will of course be followup visits over the next year, then maybe even more after that. Im confident they wont find anything then either. When God heals, He heals completely.
Ive had such an incredible journey during this time. People I dont know praying for me, strangers asking me to pray for them. Being involved with a community choir and a group of people there that care. An awesome church with people that believe not only in prayer, but the power of prayer and what it can do. Some of them do not know me, only by name, yet they are praying. I know that there are people literally across the country and around the world praying for me. Prayer is our lifeline to God, and He loves it when we call on His name in prayer. He hears and answers. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes not now, but keep on asking and seeking. Praying and reading the Bible is the way to draw closer to God, and knowing Him more.
If you have been one of the people that have been praying for me, THANKS!! Please do not stop. I will never be able to thank people enough for taking just a few moments to mention my name to God. I have some incredible friends, known and unknown!
Stories about life in general, politics, where I have been, where Im going, what I like to do.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - PET SCAN II AND STUFF
On January 28th this year, I heard the words "What you have is most likely cancer!" I refused to believe it then, but as time went on, it became obvious that most likely I did have that dreaded disease. THOUGH, I refused to believe it, and refused to give that word ANY credence. I had gone to the ER with a very sore throat, and was having trouble swallowing. I thought, eh, they will give me an inhaler and I'll go home and be fine in a day! OH WELL, there were other plans that day, and the journey started!!
I have written over 36 blogs since that time. During this period, I have have emotional highs, and emotional lows. During the 1st round of chemo, I not only had that going on, but I contracted the flu to compound things. THEN the dreaded NEULASTA shot. For those of you who dont remember that, it is a shot that forces the growth of white blood cells. MUCHO pain from that shot. By forcing the growth of those cells, it forces the marrow in the bones to stretch, and if you can imagine shin splints to the 10th power! Hard to walk, or really move during that time. ALL of this compounded by the flu. It was an interesting few days. However, I still felt pretty blessed, even though I probably did not want to feel that way. It was still far less pain than other people face going thru chemo, and other such things during their cancer fight.
2nd round of chemo was much better. NO side effects from anything. The chemo does what it does and there will always be certain things that go on with the body, but "this too shall pass". LOL What I was unaware of at the time was that I was becoming a bit anemic, so when the time for the 3rd chemo came around, I was unable to take it because of the platelet count being too low. I will admit that I was not happy. You kinda get psyched up for it, then to be let down, just did not sit well with me, part of the flesh happening. Sometimes when you are on a journey, you THINK you have things outlined and under control, but often God has other plans. HIS plans rarely coincide with our plans, yet they are always the perfect plans.
3rd round of chemo was OK. I had side effects from the shot, but I believe that is because the Dr changed a couple of things, and possibly countered what we were doing to make the transition much better and painless. Needless to say I had severe pain in the bones, muscles, and joints. The chemo itself was not too bad, typical. A bit more fatigued than I had been. That was probably caused by the so called cumulative effect of everything. I suppose that is probably right. But once again God has been faithful thru all of this time.
That brings me to yesterday, May 14, I had the 2nd PET scan. This is a scan that you have to lay perfectly still for about 35-40 minutes while this machine literally scans your whole body looking for cancer or any other abnormalities. They give you a radioactive sugar shot. Interesting side note, apparently this shot is strong enough to set off the radioactive scanners at the airport, and you will be stopped! Fortunately I had no flight plans for yesterday! LOL (The shot is sugar because it goes directly to cancer cells. ) I had my IPAD playing some of my favorite songs in the background. THANKS to Cory Edwards for his new CD. I had downloaded it from I-Tunes. Most of his CD are hymns, and one of my favorites is GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS. Awesome piece when you need assurance.
It seems like I have caught all of you up on things. But as Im reading this thru, I may have forgotten something. OH YEAH!! NO SIGN OF CANCER! The PET scan showed no cancer. Yes that is right, I did not mis write this. GOD heals and he has healed. I will still be taking the radiation, it is part of their protocol, and will include some more chemo with it. HOWEVER it is important that you understand that when GOD heals it is done! Drs can shake their heads, and wonder, but I KNEW going into this Dr appointment today that it would be good news, and God once again did not disappoint! We live in a world where Drs do what they do and God does what he does. He is an awesome God, and His love is a deeper love than any of us can imagine.
I will of course continue to keep everyone updated. This is incredible for my family and my friends, but it is another testimony of God's grace and mercy! His word is true and you can rely on that!
I have written over 36 blogs since that time. During this period, I have have emotional highs, and emotional lows. During the 1st round of chemo, I not only had that going on, but I contracted the flu to compound things. THEN the dreaded NEULASTA shot. For those of you who dont remember that, it is a shot that forces the growth of white blood cells. MUCHO pain from that shot. By forcing the growth of those cells, it forces the marrow in the bones to stretch, and if you can imagine shin splints to the 10th power! Hard to walk, or really move during that time. ALL of this compounded by the flu. It was an interesting few days. However, I still felt pretty blessed, even though I probably did not want to feel that way. It was still far less pain than other people face going thru chemo, and other such things during their cancer fight.
2nd round of chemo was much better. NO side effects from anything. The chemo does what it does and there will always be certain things that go on with the body, but "this too shall pass". LOL What I was unaware of at the time was that I was becoming a bit anemic, so when the time for the 3rd chemo came around, I was unable to take it because of the platelet count being too low. I will admit that I was not happy. You kinda get psyched up for it, then to be let down, just did not sit well with me, part of the flesh happening. Sometimes when you are on a journey, you THINK you have things outlined and under control, but often God has other plans. HIS plans rarely coincide with our plans, yet they are always the perfect plans.
3rd round of chemo was OK. I had side effects from the shot, but I believe that is because the Dr changed a couple of things, and possibly countered what we were doing to make the transition much better and painless. Needless to say I had severe pain in the bones, muscles, and joints. The chemo itself was not too bad, typical. A bit more fatigued than I had been. That was probably caused by the so called cumulative effect of everything. I suppose that is probably right. But once again God has been faithful thru all of this time.
That brings me to yesterday, May 14, I had the 2nd PET scan. This is a scan that you have to lay perfectly still for about 35-40 minutes while this machine literally scans your whole body looking for cancer or any other abnormalities. They give you a radioactive sugar shot. Interesting side note, apparently this shot is strong enough to set off the radioactive scanners at the airport, and you will be stopped! Fortunately I had no flight plans for yesterday! LOL (The shot is sugar because it goes directly to cancer cells. ) I had my IPAD playing some of my favorite songs in the background. THANKS to Cory Edwards for his new CD. I had downloaded it from I-Tunes. Most of his CD are hymns, and one of my favorites is GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS. Awesome piece when you need assurance.
It seems like I have caught all of you up on things. But as Im reading this thru, I may have forgotten something. OH YEAH!! NO SIGN OF CANCER! The PET scan showed no cancer. Yes that is right, I did not mis write this. GOD heals and he has healed. I will still be taking the radiation, it is part of their protocol, and will include some more chemo with it. HOWEVER it is important that you understand that when GOD heals it is done! Drs can shake their heads, and wonder, but I KNEW going into this Dr appointment today that it would be good news, and God once again did not disappoint! We live in a world where Drs do what they do and God does what he does. He is an awesome God, and His love is a deeper love than any of us can imagine.
I will of course continue to keep everyone updated. This is incredible for my family and my friends, but it is another testimony of God's grace and mercy! His word is true and you can rely on that!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - SATAN IS A LIAR
Im imagining that this title probably has gotten your attention. But more on that a bit later. I wanted to take a few minutes and let everyone know what is happening.
I had my 3 round of chemo exactly one week ago today. Normal stuff for the 1st couple of days, just fatigue. HOWEVER then the dreaded Neulasta shot! I did all the same stuff as last time, but the Dr changed a few things, and that "might" have been an issue. I once again had very bad bone, joint, an muscle pain. FORTUNATELY it does eventually go away, and by tomorrow or Thursday it will be done. Just wondering if maybe the Dr also gave me a bit more chemo than the others, not sure, but seems like the one bag was "over full", but then again that could be the effects of my "chemo brain". LOL I had been having some very strange things going thru my head, including forgetting, not remembering where I was going or how to get there. VERY strange feelings. I asked about this, and the nurses all started laughing and said DEFINITELY chemo brain! SOOOOO Im assuming that when all this is over, I will revert to my typical crazy self. LOL I do think I may well keep the bald head and face. Getting kind of used to it, and besides, it aint gray!!
I have a PET scan coming up on Monday! Im approaching that with a pretty good mix of excitement and trying to NOT get over confident. I am confident however that they will find nothing. (NO jokes here please). LOL I know they wont find what they did last time. I know that God has healed. I just need to hear the words. They will likely still want to do the radiation "just to be sure" as they say in Dr speak! HOWEVER I will have some questions for them. Should they find nothing with the PET, and I believe that is likely, what exactly will they point the radiation at? They have told me that they use a CT scan daily to aim the radiation, so that being said, if there is nothing there, what are they going to radiate? I guess we will find out soon enough.
OK now to the reason for the title of this blog. Here are some of the reasons I have come up with for the title. So here they come.
Ive been doing some thinking lately, as you might imagine, a lot of time on my hands. Ive come to the conclusion that we as "Christians" have fallen asleep at the wheel of life. We have tried to do too many things ourselves, instead of relying on God for our needs. Please note, that by saying "we", I am also saying ME. Why is that? Well Im going to try to put some answers to that question.
SALVATION AND HEALING were meant for everyone! I understand that is a rather bold statement, but it is true. I think everyone realizes that Salvation was meant for all. We all know the scriptures, John 3:16, Roman's 3:23 etc. But when it comes to healing we get all freaky and start thinking that God does not love us, and that He caused us to be sick and we get all bent because we are not healed. THAT is just plain wrong. (John 3:16-17; For God so love the world that HE gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in HIm shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.) God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
Case 1, satan is a liar!
Salvation and healing is a CHOICE! Here is what I mean. Imagine for a minute I was handing out $100 bills. (NO IM NOT, that is why I said "imagine".) I can hand it to you, but if you dont take it, it will just fall to the ground. For you to have the money, you must TAKE HOLD OF IT! The Bible is quite clear in many scriptures that healing is there for the taking, BUT we must take it. HOWEVER if satan is whispering in your ear constantly that you will never be healed, or that you dont "deserve" to be healed, or that somehow you got this disease. They are ALL LIES!
Case 2, satan is a liar!
Im tired of satan lying, and whispering, and fooling and cheating all of us from what God has promised us. God has promised His people what we need. He did NOT promise us illness. Illness is from satan and not of God, so by that train of thought, health is from God. (Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy! John 10:10). Isaiah 53: 5 says, But He was pierced for our transgressions, and he was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well being fell upon him, and by HIS scourging, we are healed. NO IFS, AND'S OR BUT'S, we are healed because Jesus took the beatings on his body for not only our sins, but for our sickness. God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
So what can we do to fix this situation? I think it is a matter of faith! We cant see faith, but we know when we have it, and we know when it works, but we have issues with it. I really dont understand why! I personally think that we as Christians have gotten lazy in our faith and our beliefs. It is so easy these days with all of our toys to get distracted and sooner than later we get lazy about worshiping God. We get lazy about praying. We get lazy about going to church instead of the lake on Sundays. Im not saying that you should not go the lake. Just dont go every weekend and give up on church for the summer. Im just saying that I truly feel that God is making His people ready for something HE wants to do, and I think that it is going to be a biggie. Im NOT a prophet, Im just me. Im just putting an idea out there that we should all at least think about.
I had my 3 round of chemo exactly one week ago today. Normal stuff for the 1st couple of days, just fatigue. HOWEVER then the dreaded Neulasta shot! I did all the same stuff as last time, but the Dr changed a few things, and that "might" have been an issue. I once again had very bad bone, joint, an muscle pain. FORTUNATELY it does eventually go away, and by tomorrow or Thursday it will be done. Just wondering if maybe the Dr also gave me a bit more chemo than the others, not sure, but seems like the one bag was "over full", but then again that could be the effects of my "chemo brain". LOL I had been having some very strange things going thru my head, including forgetting, not remembering where I was going or how to get there. VERY strange feelings. I asked about this, and the nurses all started laughing and said DEFINITELY chemo brain! SOOOOO Im assuming that when all this is over, I will revert to my typical crazy self. LOL I do think I may well keep the bald head and face. Getting kind of used to it, and besides, it aint gray!!
I have a PET scan coming up on Monday! Im approaching that with a pretty good mix of excitement and trying to NOT get over confident. I am confident however that they will find nothing. (NO jokes here please). LOL I know they wont find what they did last time. I know that God has healed. I just need to hear the words. They will likely still want to do the radiation "just to be sure" as they say in Dr speak! HOWEVER I will have some questions for them. Should they find nothing with the PET, and I believe that is likely, what exactly will they point the radiation at? They have told me that they use a CT scan daily to aim the radiation, so that being said, if there is nothing there, what are they going to radiate? I guess we will find out soon enough.
OK now to the reason for the title of this blog. Here are some of the reasons I have come up with for the title. So here they come.
Ive been doing some thinking lately, as you might imagine, a lot of time on my hands. Ive come to the conclusion that we as "Christians" have fallen asleep at the wheel of life. We have tried to do too many things ourselves, instead of relying on God for our needs. Please note, that by saying "we", I am also saying ME. Why is that? Well Im going to try to put some answers to that question.
SALVATION AND HEALING were meant for everyone! I understand that is a rather bold statement, but it is true. I think everyone realizes that Salvation was meant for all. We all know the scriptures, John 3:16, Roman's 3:23 etc. But when it comes to healing we get all freaky and start thinking that God does not love us, and that He caused us to be sick and we get all bent because we are not healed. THAT is just plain wrong. (John 3:16-17; For God so love the world that HE gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in HIm shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.) God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
Case 1, satan is a liar!
Salvation and healing is a CHOICE! Here is what I mean. Imagine for a minute I was handing out $100 bills. (NO IM NOT, that is why I said "imagine".) I can hand it to you, but if you dont take it, it will just fall to the ground. For you to have the money, you must TAKE HOLD OF IT! The Bible is quite clear in many scriptures that healing is there for the taking, BUT we must take it. HOWEVER if satan is whispering in your ear constantly that you will never be healed, or that you dont "deserve" to be healed, or that somehow you got this disease. They are ALL LIES!
Case 2, satan is a liar!
Im tired of satan lying, and whispering, and fooling and cheating all of us from what God has promised us. God has promised His people what we need. He did NOT promise us illness. Illness is from satan and not of God, so by that train of thought, health is from God. (Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy! John 10:10). Isaiah 53: 5 says, But He was pierced for our transgressions, and he was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well being fell upon him, and by HIS scourging, we are healed. NO IFS, AND'S OR BUT'S, we are healed because Jesus took the beatings on his body for not only our sins, but for our sickness. God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
So what can we do to fix this situation? I think it is a matter of faith! We cant see faith, but we know when we have it, and we know when it works, but we have issues with it. I really dont understand why! I personally think that we as Christians have gotten lazy in our faith and our beliefs. It is so easy these days with all of our toys to get distracted and sooner than later we get lazy about worshiping God. We get lazy about praying. We get lazy about going to church instead of the lake on Sundays. Im not saying that you should not go the lake. Just dont go every weekend and give up on church for the summer. Im just saying that I truly feel that God is making His people ready for something HE wants to do, and I think that it is going to be a biggie. Im NOT a prophet, Im just me. Im just putting an idea out there that we should all at least think about.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - 3RD CHEMO DAY
Well, in out of the rain, and now am hooked up and got some kind of "buzz" drug going in before the chemicals for this round. LOL Looks like this round will be the last for a few weeks, till I get 2 more of different chemical during radiation. It appears that radiation from the Dr's point of view is going to take place. They want to make sure that they kill of this mass and bury it. My hope and prayer is that they do exactly that and not harm any of the good. God is able to direct this radiation to the bad spots and make sure that ONLY the bad is harmed, and killed off.
I pretty much right now live from treatment to treatment. What I have found is that it is getting easier to not only do these treatments, but to talk about it more freely with others. I had an awesome opportunity last night to chat with an older lady who has had a pretty rough year in 2011. Dr's discovered a small cancer on her soft palet and a small place on the back of her tongue. 79 years old and had to go thru an excruciating surgery and recovery period with not only chemo but radiation of her neck and mouth. YET she is handling this all with an amazing grace and attitude. She is the mother of one of my friends. My friend and her husband are Assembly of God Pastors, actually considered US Missionaries here in St. Louis. Wonderful people that I am proud to call my friends. It was a real joy meeting her mom last night. We chatted for over an hour, trading stories about what we are going thru, while similar so very different. She had major surgery on her jaw, soft palet, and tongue. She had to have a trach put in and breathe and talk thru that for awhile HOWEVER that is out and she is talking perfectly with just a very small lisp. She apologized for that, but honestly there was no need, she was fine, and a real joy to talk to. God is so merciful. I can only hope that I can come thru this with the same attitude and grace that she has. 79 years old and almost as agile as a cat. She gave up her chair for my wife to sit in and she literally "hopped" onto her bed. I was amazed.
So what is all of the really accomplishing? I know one thing for sure, it has changed my life, turned it upside down and sideways, and has started leading me on a journey I never expected. Twists and turns. About the time you "think" you have things figured out, look out, its going to change. Gods plans are rarely our plans, but that does not mean they are bad plans. HIS plans are ALWAYS perfect, we just need to relax and let HIM have his way in our lives and life will be so very much easier. This journey as I have been calling it since the beginning. (Well they just hooked up the Benidryl, that is to prevent the possibility of a reaction from the Carboplatin. That is one nasty drug. Problem is Benidryl makes me a tad sleepy) I recalled something last night that really got me thinking possibly one reason I did not sleep well last night. I remember in the Dr office a week after they discovered this mass in my throat, the Dr said he was 99.9% certain that what the CT Scan showed was in fact cancer. I held it together in his office and till I got thru the parking garage, but totally lost it emotionally once out of the garage. Should have pulled over but did not. Drove thru the tears and heavy sobs. Did not know what to think or do. but they I thought to myself, God if you are real, and your word is true then Im healed. God never ever gives us more than we can handle, though at times I kinda wish He did not think so much of my abilities. LOL. I saw this again with my friends last night. She spent 11 months living away from her husband who was here in St. Louis, living in KC with her mom. She was literally her moms 24 hour duty nurse. God was with her the whole time, always available and she never had more than she could handle, though at the time, Im sure she wondered. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect, His PLANS are always perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 says (MESSAGE BIBLE) I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another version says it a bit different, but the meaning is all the same. HE CARES FOR US MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW! His plans are always above our plans, His was are far beyond our ways, and HE will NEVER let us down, NEVER! We often will let ourselves down, because we decide to go our own way, or step out of His will. I know I have done that way to many times in this 60+ years of my life. THANKFULLY Gods grace is sufficient. He is always there with His arms open wide welcoming us back like the proverbial prodigal son.
BLOGSPOT has changed its format for the better. I can now see how many people have looked at and/or read my blogs. I must say Im totally honored and humbled by how many people have stopped by and read my blogs. To this point over 2700. I had thought well maybe as many as 500 but 2700, WOW, and HUGE thank you to everyone. Makes me feel like Im maybe making a difference.
Well the Benedryl is doing its job and Im getting kinda tired and making typo's so I probably ought to end this and start doing something mindless or just take a nap! LOL
I pretty much right now live from treatment to treatment. What I have found is that it is getting easier to not only do these treatments, but to talk about it more freely with others. I had an awesome opportunity last night to chat with an older lady who has had a pretty rough year in 2011. Dr's discovered a small cancer on her soft palet and a small place on the back of her tongue. 79 years old and had to go thru an excruciating surgery and recovery period with not only chemo but radiation of her neck and mouth. YET she is handling this all with an amazing grace and attitude. She is the mother of one of my friends. My friend and her husband are Assembly of God Pastors, actually considered US Missionaries here in St. Louis. Wonderful people that I am proud to call my friends. It was a real joy meeting her mom last night. We chatted for over an hour, trading stories about what we are going thru, while similar so very different. She had major surgery on her jaw, soft palet, and tongue. She had to have a trach put in and breathe and talk thru that for awhile HOWEVER that is out and she is talking perfectly with just a very small lisp. She apologized for that, but honestly there was no need, she was fine, and a real joy to talk to. God is so merciful. I can only hope that I can come thru this with the same attitude and grace that she has. 79 years old and almost as agile as a cat. She gave up her chair for my wife to sit in and she literally "hopped" onto her bed. I was amazed.
So what is all of the really accomplishing? I know one thing for sure, it has changed my life, turned it upside down and sideways, and has started leading me on a journey I never expected. Twists and turns. About the time you "think" you have things figured out, look out, its going to change. Gods plans are rarely our plans, but that does not mean they are bad plans. HIS plans are ALWAYS perfect, we just need to relax and let HIM have his way in our lives and life will be so very much easier. This journey as I have been calling it since the beginning. (Well they just hooked up the Benidryl, that is to prevent the possibility of a reaction from the Carboplatin. That is one nasty drug. Problem is Benidryl makes me a tad sleepy) I recalled something last night that really got me thinking possibly one reason I did not sleep well last night. I remember in the Dr office a week after they discovered this mass in my throat, the Dr said he was 99.9% certain that what the CT Scan showed was in fact cancer. I held it together in his office and till I got thru the parking garage, but totally lost it emotionally once out of the garage. Should have pulled over but did not. Drove thru the tears and heavy sobs. Did not know what to think or do. but they I thought to myself, God if you are real, and your word is true then Im healed. God never ever gives us more than we can handle, though at times I kinda wish He did not think so much of my abilities. LOL. I saw this again with my friends last night. She spent 11 months living away from her husband who was here in St. Louis, living in KC with her mom. She was literally her moms 24 hour duty nurse. God was with her the whole time, always available and she never had more than she could handle, though at the time, Im sure she wondered. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect, His PLANS are always perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 says (MESSAGE BIBLE) I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another version says it a bit different, but the meaning is all the same. HE CARES FOR US MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW! His plans are always above our plans, His was are far beyond our ways, and HE will NEVER let us down, NEVER! We often will let ourselves down, because we decide to go our own way, or step out of His will. I know I have done that way to many times in this 60+ years of my life. THANKFULLY Gods grace is sufficient. He is always there with His arms open wide welcoming us back like the proverbial prodigal son.
BLOGSPOT has changed its format for the better. I can now see how many people have looked at and/or read my blogs. I must say Im totally honored and humbled by how many people have stopped by and read my blogs. To this point over 2700. I had thought well maybe as many as 500 but 2700, WOW, and HUGE thank you to everyone. Makes me feel like Im maybe making a difference.
Well the Benedryl is doing its job and Im getting kinda tired and making typo's so I probably ought to end this and start doing something mindless or just take a nap! LOL
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