MERRY CHRISTMAS!! Well this has certainly been a very interesting year! For those of you who have been following my posts, you pretty much know everything. For those of you who have not been along for the whole ride, I will hit some high points, and talk about WHY this is a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Im going to back up a couple of months, October of 2011. October 10, 2011 my wifes mother died. It of course was not a good day. However, God does work in mysterious ways. We "just happened" to be in Raleigh NC visiting our daughter and son in law at that time, and were able to tell her face to face as opposed to a phone call. I "just happened" to have enough airline points to get her a free flight to come home for the funeral, with us on the same flights. I mention this just to give you a perspective on what my lovely wife had to deal with this last year. With the funeral barely 2 months past, last Christmas came. Of course we celebrated, but it was not quite the same, then just a month later I come down with what we thought was strep throat, till we were told the news that it was something a bit more serious. They diagnosed me as having Squamous Cell Carcinoma. That was not bad enough, but it was on my voice box, threatening my voice. What a fun diagnosis. That was on January 28, 2012, not even a month later came the biopsy and the confirmation that it was indeed that bad C word. Here again, we "just happened" to be in Raleigh visiting our daughter and son in law, (YES we did that a LOT!) LOL In fact we were getting ready to head out to a birthday dinner for my wife when the phone call from the Dr office came that the biopsy did in fact confirm the diagnosis. Yes it was an interesting way to start a special dinner! It was a shock to the system, but somehow there was peace in the midst of that storm. Not knowing everything myself as far as what treatments would be etc, I allowed conversation to the restaurant and that was all. (It was an hour long drive)
So why is this a Merry Christmas? Well after TONS of prayer by too many people to count, chemo treatments, 37 CAT scans, 35 radiation treatments, and still more prayer, there is NO sign of that horrible disease that affects so many. God is indeed awesome! My wife was there the whole time supporting me, taking care of me when I got sick, (not too often, but a few times), hauling me to Dr appointments, rearranging her work schedule to make it all happen, taking off when necessary just everything that ones helpmate needs to do when taking care of someone. Im sure she probably wondering if it was ever going to end. In the midst of all of this, there was estate stuff to do. I felt well enough for the most part to get her parents house and contents ready for auction, but having to say good bye to all the things that were remembered, and going thru parents belongings, Im sure it was very difficult for her to do. NOW this year things with most of the estate are accomplished, and her life has calmed down to normal everyday stuff. Our daughter and son in law moved back here in July, interesting enough just a week after my final radiation treatment.k So YES this is a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
There are so many things I could say about this last year. It all seems like such a whirlwind of a year. Everything that has transpired, but I would probably need pages and pages to write it all, besides you have it all here in previous blogs. Suffice it to say, GOD is still a MIRACLE working God. He still reigns, and is still on the throne. I have spent time wondering WHY He chose to heal me. I know that I have been able to tell others about this. I know that fears I have had about talking about things of God are no longer there. (Such as the fear of what others would think about me). Has this year been a "piece of cake"? Not so much, but it also has not been as bad as it could have been. For example, this last summer in the middle of radiation treatments, I was able to work JUMP, which is a Vacation Bible School on steroids at our church. (SLFC.org) A very full week of work, it was hard, but I did it. God gave strength as needed! BTW I was not the only one there dealing with treatments. One of the Pastors wife was dealing with chemo treatments as well.
This past October I rode my bike 25 miles for Pedal the Cause, a cancer research fund raising campaign. Once again God gave strength as needed. It was a very cold day, and really my 1st major ride of the year. I also made an install trip to CA in September. I put in 4 - 15 hour days in a row. Once again strength as needed. I continue to be amazed at Gods work in not only my life, but the lives of my family and others around me.
This past few months I was able to work out in a special program at the Y called LIVESTRONG. It is sponsored in part by the LIVESTRONG foundation and is for cancer patients, their families, and conquerers. (I prefer that term to "survivor") Its an awesome program to help strengthen a body ravaged by chemo and radiation. I got to meet some awesome people who went thru horrible treatments, and survived. Massive operations that forever scarred their bodies, yet were there working out, doing what they could to strengthen their bodies. We all developed a "kinship" that I hope will never go away. Many thanks to our coaches during those 13 weeks. Terrie, you were AWESOME!!
Well I hope you can now know why this is a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS for my family. I pray that you will also find the real meaning of Christmas this year. Remember that God sent us His son in the form of a baby to a girl that was probably scared to death to find she was pregnant and unmarried. Her fiance could have walked away and not been blamed, but and angel told him all was good. Now we have eternal hope because that same baby chose to die on a cross for our sins. REMEMBER JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE from my family to yours!!
Stories about life in general, politics, where I have been, where Im going, what I like to do.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Thursday, November 22, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - THANKS-LIVING
YES you read the title right! I know today is THANKSGIVING but if you think about things, we should be LIVING thankfully! I'll go into some details in a moment. In the meantime, HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of you who have read my posts for the last 10 months, and to all my friends and family who have been reading as well.
As I said when I 1st started writing these blogs, I have found it very therapeutic and a way of keeping everyone updated on my health and status of this illness. Well the illness is gone, and of course Im extremely thankful for that.
OK WHY THANKS-LIVING. This is a term I heard some years ago from a Pastor during a sermon. It sounded strange then, probably because I was a teenager, yes I can remember that long ago. LOL (Cant remember what happened yesterday sometimes, but yeah years ago is like a brilliant light.
I never really paid much attention to living the THANKS-LIVING way, until this year. Oh Ive always been thankful for the life I had. I've never been rich, but I've always had plenty. Ive been blessed with an incredible daughter and a wonderful wife. Ive been blessed with a business that has provided when I needed it the most. So why did not live the THANKS-LIVING way? I guess because even though I was thankful, I just did not tell people about it.
You can translate the term THANKS-LIVING to THANKFUL LIVING. Giving thanks everyday for life, for waking up on the green side of the grass, for what you have, and even what you dont have. Yes I said that right, give thanks for what you DONT have. If you dont have it, perhaps, even though, you might want it, you really dont NEED it. I might WANT a lot of money, it would sure make things easier at time, but I really dont NEED it. I might want a new SUV or a CORVETTE, but I dont NEED either one. (Corvette is really just a dream.) Ive owned an SUV, nice but horrible gas mileage.
So this year has been WAAAAAY different than any Ive experienced. If you have been following this blog at all you know what Ive gone thru with the cancer thing and treatments and Gods healing. If you have not been following, shame on you!! LOL, actually you can go and read all of them. Im so very thankful that God chose me to heal. WHY? I really dont have an answer to that question. I just know that from the moment of the real diagnosis, I never one time doubted that God would do it. That brings me to the word FAITH. Im very thankful for FAITH. Without it no doubt, I would still be dealing with a disease that has some many complications and ill effects, I would probably be wanting to die. As it is, Im LIVING THANKFULLY!
Ive had the opportunity over the last few months to make contact with others who have had cancer. Ive met others who have had family members with the disease. Ive been able to talk to these people and connect on a level that I never would have, had I not had cancer. Ive been able to relate, somewhat, with their treatments, though NOT ALL cancer receives the same treatment. We've compared scars where we had ports, (I still have mine, kinda like it, makes drawing blood quite easy and painless). We talked about different doctors, even discovered that a couple of us had the same doctor or received treatments at the same place, and even at the same time, though we had never met. Ive had the opportunity to talk face to face with people who are angry because they feel that this disease "destroyed" their life. NOT TRUE is what I told them. They still have life. YES they might have scars, or need some reconstruction, but they are still ALIVE. They can still walk and talk and function pretty much normally. SCARS are totally OK. No need to hide them.
Im thankful that as recently as July and August, I could hardly walk thru SAMS or COSTCO, in fact I resorted to using the little motorized cart. Just absolutely did not have the strength. NOW Im able to ride my bike again, miles and miles. Im able to workout at the Y. Im able to take cycling classes at the Y. Im able to hike thru the woods and climb hills and walk up steps. So you see, I very thankful for the ability to do this. God really kinda knew what HE was doing when he made the human body. Its able to recover from almost total destruction, and come back and function. Chemo and radiation pretty much destroy everything it touches, which is what it is supposed to do, it destroys the cancer cells and unfortunately everything else around them. :)
Im thankful for the friends I have at church and literally around this country and around the world, who so faithfully prayed for my healing. IT WORKED!! Most of these people have never met me, yet they prayed because they were asked to. Pretty amazing.
Im thankful for excellent health that I have right now. So many that have gone thru treatments, are still struggling with theirs, Ive only got to deal with a dry mouth, and that is nothing compared to so many others. So YES Im even thankful for the dry mouth.
Im thankful for taste. I had the opportunity the other night to chat with a friend who reminded me of his mother who in the 60's had a tumor removed from the back of her tongue and lost all of her taste. She went on to live almost 40 more years with NO taste. I can only imagine how awful that would be. I lost my taste for a couple of months, I would not want to go thru the rest of my life without it. God did indeed have mercy on me. I cant imagine having to eat really good food without being able to taste it. UGH! :(
Im thankful for a VOICE. I have a voice. There was a good chance, had the doctors had their way, I would not have a voice. Sometimes it is a bit raspy, sometimes it is clear, but ALL the time it is VERY low. :) Ive always loved to sing, and Ive always been able to sing Tenor AND Bass, now it is strictly bass. A very low bass. Kind of a J.D. Sumner bass. (Google his name if you dont know who he is). But you know, I have a voice, and its fun singing, and speaking in that very low tone of a Barry White style. :)
In short, Im LIVING THANKFULLY! Think about your life and just imagine if you did not have what you have and then be thankful. Today is a day of giving thanks. Make everyday a day of giving thanks. Make it a day of THANKS-LIVING!
As I said when I 1st started writing these blogs, I have found it very therapeutic and a way of keeping everyone updated on my health and status of this illness. Well the illness is gone, and of course Im extremely thankful for that.
OK WHY THANKS-LIVING. This is a term I heard some years ago from a Pastor during a sermon. It sounded strange then, probably because I was a teenager, yes I can remember that long ago. LOL (Cant remember what happened yesterday sometimes, but yeah years ago is like a brilliant light.
I never really paid much attention to living the THANKS-LIVING way, until this year. Oh Ive always been thankful for the life I had. I've never been rich, but I've always had plenty. Ive been blessed with an incredible daughter and a wonderful wife. Ive been blessed with a business that has provided when I needed it the most. So why did not live the THANKS-LIVING way? I guess because even though I was thankful, I just did not tell people about it.
You can translate the term THANKS-LIVING to THANKFUL LIVING. Giving thanks everyday for life, for waking up on the green side of the grass, for what you have, and even what you dont have. Yes I said that right, give thanks for what you DONT have. If you dont have it, perhaps, even though, you might want it, you really dont NEED it. I might WANT a lot of money, it would sure make things easier at time, but I really dont NEED it. I might want a new SUV or a CORVETTE, but I dont NEED either one. (Corvette is really just a dream.) Ive owned an SUV, nice but horrible gas mileage.
So this year has been WAAAAAY different than any Ive experienced. If you have been following this blog at all you know what Ive gone thru with the cancer thing and treatments and Gods healing. If you have not been following, shame on you!! LOL, actually you can go and read all of them. Im so very thankful that God chose me to heal. WHY? I really dont have an answer to that question. I just know that from the moment of the real diagnosis, I never one time doubted that God would do it. That brings me to the word FAITH. Im very thankful for FAITH. Without it no doubt, I would still be dealing with a disease that has some many complications and ill effects, I would probably be wanting to die. As it is, Im LIVING THANKFULLY!
Ive had the opportunity over the last few months to make contact with others who have had cancer. Ive met others who have had family members with the disease. Ive been able to talk to these people and connect on a level that I never would have, had I not had cancer. Ive been able to relate, somewhat, with their treatments, though NOT ALL cancer receives the same treatment. We've compared scars where we had ports, (I still have mine, kinda like it, makes drawing blood quite easy and painless). We talked about different doctors, even discovered that a couple of us had the same doctor or received treatments at the same place, and even at the same time, though we had never met. Ive had the opportunity to talk face to face with people who are angry because they feel that this disease "destroyed" their life. NOT TRUE is what I told them. They still have life. YES they might have scars, or need some reconstruction, but they are still ALIVE. They can still walk and talk and function pretty much normally. SCARS are totally OK. No need to hide them.
Im thankful that as recently as July and August, I could hardly walk thru SAMS or COSTCO, in fact I resorted to using the little motorized cart. Just absolutely did not have the strength. NOW Im able to ride my bike again, miles and miles. Im able to workout at the Y. Im able to take cycling classes at the Y. Im able to hike thru the woods and climb hills and walk up steps. So you see, I very thankful for the ability to do this. God really kinda knew what HE was doing when he made the human body. Its able to recover from almost total destruction, and come back and function. Chemo and radiation pretty much destroy everything it touches, which is what it is supposed to do, it destroys the cancer cells and unfortunately everything else around them. :)
Im thankful for the friends I have at church and literally around this country and around the world, who so faithfully prayed for my healing. IT WORKED!! Most of these people have never met me, yet they prayed because they were asked to. Pretty amazing.
Im thankful for excellent health that I have right now. So many that have gone thru treatments, are still struggling with theirs, Ive only got to deal with a dry mouth, and that is nothing compared to so many others. So YES Im even thankful for the dry mouth.
Im thankful for taste. I had the opportunity the other night to chat with a friend who reminded me of his mother who in the 60's had a tumor removed from the back of her tongue and lost all of her taste. She went on to live almost 40 more years with NO taste. I can only imagine how awful that would be. I lost my taste for a couple of months, I would not want to go thru the rest of my life without it. God did indeed have mercy on me. I cant imagine having to eat really good food without being able to taste it. UGH! :(
Im thankful for a VOICE. I have a voice. There was a good chance, had the doctors had their way, I would not have a voice. Sometimes it is a bit raspy, sometimes it is clear, but ALL the time it is VERY low. :) Ive always loved to sing, and Ive always been able to sing Tenor AND Bass, now it is strictly bass. A very low bass. Kind of a J.D. Sumner bass. (Google his name if you dont know who he is). But you know, I have a voice, and its fun singing, and speaking in that very low tone of a Barry White style. :)
In short, Im LIVING THANKFULLY! Think about your life and just imagine if you did not have what you have and then be thankful. Today is a day of giving thanks. Make everyday a day of giving thanks. Make it a day of THANKS-LIVING!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - THANKSGIVING
I know that it is not quite Thanksgiving just yet, but I thought I would write about some things Im thankful for. This has been quite the year! I guess that is putting it mildly for those of you who have been following my journey, but yes interesting is a good way of putting it.
This journey as most of you know, started shortly after the 1st of the year, so really its going on 11 months. WOW how time has flown by. I wont be mentioning any real names with probably the exception of my immediate family. I dont have permission to mention names of people and without that it would not be right.
Im thankful first and foremost for the healing that I have been given. I know that the Dr's would love to take all the credit, and honestly they probably do deserve some, but I know that God was the one who created the healing in my body and that is something I will be forever grateful for. Im also thankful for my family. My wife Renita, and my daughter Renita Michelle, and her husband Stephen. Without the support that I have received from them, this journey would have quite likely been very dismal. In fact, Im not sure I would have been able to make it, and not sure I would have wanted to. I have made some new friends along the way.
Im very thankful for friends, both old and new. Here are a few that I wanted to mention.
One of the friends is my friend's mother. S's mother, P, had a very serious cancer in her mouth. This woman is in her 70's and just as spry and alert as can be. Yet she has gone thru literal hell with her treatments. She did the same radiation treatment I did, 35 treatments to her head and neck area. HOWVER she also had some radical surgery on her mouth area. Yet thru all of this she is still upbeat, and raring to go. How wonderful to have a friend like this. Her daughter and son inlaw, (though a bit on the crazy side of life), are awesome friends to have as well. They came to the hospital to greet me on my final day of radiation. How awesome to have friends like that. THANKS guys!
I have another friend, D, who has followed my blog, and we have gone bike riding together. She just recently lost her father to this horrible disease. It was all very fast and sudden, yet he was strong for his family to the very end. How awesome that the family had him for many years and he was there for them as they were for him. Im very thankful for friends like D. She has been an encourager, even thru the pain she was going thru. THANKS for being and encourager
Ive made some new friends thru the Y, and the LIVESTRONG class that I have been taking. For those of you who dont know what that is, it is a class sponsored by the LIVESTRONG foundation thru the YMCA and it is helping get the cancer patients and survivors and their caregivers back in shape. AWESOME program.
To start, I have 2 trainers, they are incredible. Im very thankful for both of them. Incredible trainers, and they care about each of us in the class and they are both encouragers. THANKS to both of them for caring and working with us.
One of my new friends, S, had Lymphoma in her throat. Not quite what I had, but very serious. She is a survivor as well. Awesome person and upbeat, and refuses to let this thing beat her. THANKS for offering to come back after your classes were done, and coming to this class to encourage all of us.
T. is another one of the women in the class who has gone thru the cancer treatments for breast cancer. She, along with me, rode her bike in the Pedal the cause bike ride. THAT is awesome. It was miserable that day, but she rode thru it and finished her ride. AWESOME
Im thankful for all these new friends. All of them are encouragers, survivors, and are strong people. THAT is incredible to have friends like that. Im sure that these friendships will last for a good long time.
Im thankful for my old friends. Friends I have known for many years, some that I have stayed in contact with for a long time, and others that I just renewed friendship with recently on of all things FACEBOOK!!! LOL Some high school friends, some church friends, and other friends that we just seem to have been together for years. The concern, prayers, words of hope and cheer, that is awesomeness! Im thankful for my friends at church. These people have been praying for me since this all started. They are still praying for me, I know because they let me know from time to time. I KNOW I would not be where I am were it not for the prayers given up by these people. Some of these people do not even know me personally, they just have been praying for me because they were asked to. My church here in St. Louis and all the prayer groups in it. THANKS is not enough to say.
Lastly, there are people around the world, some that I know, most that I dont, who have been praying for me since this all started. Im so very thankful them them as well. I have friends around this great country from west to east and from north to south, that have been praying, and I cant begin to name them all, but they know who they are and Im so thankful for them as well. Churches around the world that have prayed. It is so incredible.
As you think about this time of year contemplating what you might be thankful for, remember that we still live in the greatest country in the world. Remember that you still have the right to vote, whether it is for the Republicans or Democrats, or Independents. EXERCISE that right. Be thankful that you can still do that. Be thankful for what you have, not down about what you dont have. Enjoy the time you have with family and friends.
This journey as most of you know, started shortly after the 1st of the year, so really its going on 11 months. WOW how time has flown by. I wont be mentioning any real names with probably the exception of my immediate family. I dont have permission to mention names of people and without that it would not be right.
Im thankful first and foremost for the healing that I have been given. I know that the Dr's would love to take all the credit, and honestly they probably do deserve some, but I know that God was the one who created the healing in my body and that is something I will be forever grateful for. Im also thankful for my family. My wife Renita, and my daughter Renita Michelle, and her husband Stephen. Without the support that I have received from them, this journey would have quite likely been very dismal. In fact, Im not sure I would have been able to make it, and not sure I would have wanted to. I have made some new friends along the way.
Im very thankful for friends, both old and new. Here are a few that I wanted to mention.
One of the friends is my friend's mother. S's mother, P, had a very serious cancer in her mouth. This woman is in her 70's and just as spry and alert as can be. Yet she has gone thru literal hell with her treatments. She did the same radiation treatment I did, 35 treatments to her head and neck area. HOWVER she also had some radical surgery on her mouth area. Yet thru all of this she is still upbeat, and raring to go. How wonderful to have a friend like this. Her daughter and son inlaw, (though a bit on the crazy side of life), are awesome friends to have as well. They came to the hospital to greet me on my final day of radiation. How awesome to have friends like that. THANKS guys!
I have another friend, D, who has followed my blog, and we have gone bike riding together. She just recently lost her father to this horrible disease. It was all very fast and sudden, yet he was strong for his family to the very end. How awesome that the family had him for many years and he was there for them as they were for him. Im very thankful for friends like D. She has been an encourager, even thru the pain she was going thru. THANKS for being and encourager
Ive made some new friends thru the Y, and the LIVESTRONG class that I have been taking. For those of you who dont know what that is, it is a class sponsored by the LIVESTRONG foundation thru the YMCA and it is helping get the cancer patients and survivors and their caregivers back in shape. AWESOME program.
To start, I have 2 trainers, they are incredible. Im very thankful for both of them. Incredible trainers, and they care about each of us in the class and they are both encouragers. THANKS to both of them for caring and working with us.
One of my new friends, S, had Lymphoma in her throat. Not quite what I had, but very serious. She is a survivor as well. Awesome person and upbeat, and refuses to let this thing beat her. THANKS for offering to come back after your classes were done, and coming to this class to encourage all of us.
T. is another one of the women in the class who has gone thru the cancer treatments for breast cancer. She, along with me, rode her bike in the Pedal the cause bike ride. THAT is awesome. It was miserable that day, but she rode thru it and finished her ride. AWESOME
Im thankful for all these new friends. All of them are encouragers, survivors, and are strong people. THAT is incredible to have friends like that. Im sure that these friendships will last for a good long time.
Im thankful for my old friends. Friends I have known for many years, some that I have stayed in contact with for a long time, and others that I just renewed friendship with recently on of all things FACEBOOK!!! LOL Some high school friends, some church friends, and other friends that we just seem to have been together for years. The concern, prayers, words of hope and cheer, that is awesomeness! Im thankful for my friends at church. These people have been praying for me since this all started. They are still praying for me, I know because they let me know from time to time. I KNOW I would not be where I am were it not for the prayers given up by these people. Some of these people do not even know me personally, they just have been praying for me because they were asked to. My church here in St. Louis and all the prayer groups in it. THANKS is not enough to say.
Lastly, there are people around the world, some that I know, most that I dont, who have been praying for me since this all started. Im so very thankful them them as well. I have friends around this great country from west to east and from north to south, that have been praying, and I cant begin to name them all, but they know who they are and Im so thankful for them as well. Churches around the world that have prayed. It is so incredible.
As you think about this time of year contemplating what you might be thankful for, remember that we still live in the greatest country in the world. Remember that you still have the right to vote, whether it is for the Republicans or Democrats, or Independents. EXERCISE that right. Be thankful that you can still do that. Be thankful for what you have, not down about what you dont have. Enjoy the time you have with family and friends.
Friday, October 19, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - LATEST PET SCAN
Im actually writing this a bit late but had a lot happening recently. I had a short vacation to California, then did an install job out there, then came home and had a PET scan, then Dr appointment, then this week had a different Dr appointment with an ENT.
Well the good news is the Cardinals are one game away from going to the World Series AGAIN this year. How AWESOME is that??!!
Oh yeah, the OTHER good news is that the most recent PET scan came back TOTALLY NEGATIVE!!! Praise God for that. I must admit that I was a bit apprehensive only because one of my friends who had been cancer free for a bit over a year had a relapse into a different type of cancer, another friend who had another form of mouth cancer, had an infection and had to have yet another surgery. Satan does like to get into your head and really mess with your emotions and beliefs and literally wreak havoc on things. It is what he does best. HOWEVER any apprehension was for naught. Really the hardest part of these PET scans is convincing them to use the power port I have to give the radioactive sugar injection and then laying perfectly still for 35 minutes while the machine scans your whole body. Other than that, they are pretty simple and straight forward. It appears that I will have to have a PET scan every 3 months for the foreseeable future. Small price to pay for knowledge that things are where they should be and that things that should not be there are NOT there. LOL.
The ENT Dr was my idea. I guess maybe I was expecting too much too soon, or at least in my own mind I was. I still am having a bit of trouble with my voice. For those of you who know me, you know I love to sing, and typically Ive been singing tenor more than bass only because I could, and it is kinda fun to see how high you can go. LOL Well since the radiation, Ive lost most all of my upper range and really have only my lower range which makes it hard to sing. My basic concern was, IF I try to push things will it harm my voice. Well the answer was no. The ENT was quite pleased with what he saw when he "scoped" my throat, (an interesting experience in itself, a process where then run a small camera tube up your nose and down your throat.) :-) He had to ask where the tumor was on my larynx. That is good because that means there is not even a scar from it being there. There is some residual damage from the radiation, and that may take as long as 2 years to go away. The other good news is that all the tissue was nice and pink and looks like new, with the exception of some swelling. EXACTLY what I expected to see. The other good news is that I will be going to a speech therapist who also works with singers to help them get back what they can. Im excited about that. I dont want this to sound like Im this wonderful operatic singer, because Im not, I just enjoy singing the the church choir, and a community choir. Its a fun thing for an old guy to do. :-) Im a bit over 3 months out of radiation treatment. Really not that long in the scheme of things. Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving so to speak. If you have been following this blog, you know that I really had not many issues during the radiation treatments. However because of the way radiation works it keeps "burning" for quite some time after it is over with. That is the issue I have now. I did not even have a sore throat until AFTER the treatment was done. HOWEVER it was not near as bad as the Dr's had promised it would be.
All in all, things are great. I have been able to get rid of some excess weight, NOT a recommended diet plan, but Im feeling great. Im back riding my bike. Im working out regularly, including a great program at the Y called LIVESTRONG. It is sponsored by the LIVESTRONG foundation. This is a very worthwhile organization and they help a lot of people. I rode 25 miles in a local bicycle ride called PEDAL THE CAUSE, that was a fundraiser for cancer research. A fun ride even if it was only 38 degrees at the start. LOL It was not much warmer at the finish, about 45. Would not have been too bad if the wind had not been blowing at 10-15 miles an hour. :)
All in all DOING GREAT!
Well the good news is the Cardinals are one game away from going to the World Series AGAIN this year. How AWESOME is that??!!
Oh yeah, the OTHER good news is that the most recent PET scan came back TOTALLY NEGATIVE!!! Praise God for that. I must admit that I was a bit apprehensive only because one of my friends who had been cancer free for a bit over a year had a relapse into a different type of cancer, another friend who had another form of mouth cancer, had an infection and had to have yet another surgery. Satan does like to get into your head and really mess with your emotions and beliefs and literally wreak havoc on things. It is what he does best. HOWEVER any apprehension was for naught. Really the hardest part of these PET scans is convincing them to use the power port I have to give the radioactive sugar injection and then laying perfectly still for 35 minutes while the machine scans your whole body. Other than that, they are pretty simple and straight forward. It appears that I will have to have a PET scan every 3 months for the foreseeable future. Small price to pay for knowledge that things are where they should be and that things that should not be there are NOT there. LOL.
The ENT Dr was my idea. I guess maybe I was expecting too much too soon, or at least in my own mind I was. I still am having a bit of trouble with my voice. For those of you who know me, you know I love to sing, and typically Ive been singing tenor more than bass only because I could, and it is kinda fun to see how high you can go. LOL Well since the radiation, Ive lost most all of my upper range and really have only my lower range which makes it hard to sing. My basic concern was, IF I try to push things will it harm my voice. Well the answer was no. The ENT was quite pleased with what he saw when he "scoped" my throat, (an interesting experience in itself, a process where then run a small camera tube up your nose and down your throat.) :-) He had to ask where the tumor was on my larynx. That is good because that means there is not even a scar from it being there. There is some residual damage from the radiation, and that may take as long as 2 years to go away. The other good news is that all the tissue was nice and pink and looks like new, with the exception of some swelling. EXACTLY what I expected to see. The other good news is that I will be going to a speech therapist who also works with singers to help them get back what they can. Im excited about that. I dont want this to sound like Im this wonderful operatic singer, because Im not, I just enjoy singing the the church choir, and a community choir. Its a fun thing for an old guy to do. :-) Im a bit over 3 months out of radiation treatment. Really not that long in the scheme of things. Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving so to speak. If you have been following this blog, you know that I really had not many issues during the radiation treatments. However because of the way radiation works it keeps "burning" for quite some time after it is over with. That is the issue I have now. I did not even have a sore throat until AFTER the treatment was done. HOWEVER it was not near as bad as the Dr's had promised it would be.
All in all, things are great. I have been able to get rid of some excess weight, NOT a recommended diet plan, but Im feeling great. Im back riding my bike. Im working out regularly, including a great program at the Y called LIVESTRONG. It is sponsored by the LIVESTRONG foundation. This is a very worthwhile organization and they help a lot of people. I rode 25 miles in a local bicycle ride called PEDAL THE CAUSE, that was a fundraiser for cancer research. A fun ride even if it was only 38 degrees at the start. LOL It was not much warmer at the finish, about 45. Would not have been too bad if the wind had not been blowing at 10-15 miles an hour. :)
All in all DOING GREAT!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - GOD ALWAYS WINS
Well HI again!! :) It is a beautiful time of year here in the St. Louis area. Fall is rapidly approaching, and leaves are starting to turn. Should be yet another beautiful fall.
I came up with this title because you can NEVER lose when you have God on your side. I know that may sound trite, maybe even a bit of a stretch for some of you, HOWEVER, I know for a fact that it is true.
I had my 3rd PET scan this last week. As strong as my faith has been, I must admit, a bit of apprehension had crept in. This whole thing of being "sick" is new to me. I guess one reason might have been that a friend who had a "similar", but not exactly the same, bout to mine, was just found to have lung cancer. The one major difference is that I was told I have this P16 gene that apparently allows for the cancer to have a better rate of healing with no new disease taking place, and as far as I know my friend did not have that gene.
The great news is that GOD still is the winner and cancer is STLL the loser! Simple as that. God wins, cancer loses. There is no disease on this planet that God cannot heal. So if that is the case, why do some get healed, and some do not. To that question, I do not have an answer. Im just very grateful that that He blessed me with healing. Im still believing for "complete" healing, meaning that I still have a few minor issues such as dry mouth. Though the Dr says that may never be 100%, I gotta believe that God will bring full restoration. As this point it is an annoyance. I have about 80% of my taste back, even though the Dr's said that it would take 6+ months, it has only been about 9 weeks. They are pretty amazed at that. They are also believing that it was all them that did the healing, I keep telling them that they were just the tools used by God. :)
Im also experiencing a bit of fatigue still. Of course I try to overdo, and when I do, I pay the price of being tired for a few days. An example is that I just did a sound install in CA and put in 4 very long days and now Im just tired! HOWEVER on the up side, I was able to do it! I had my "crew" helping me and that is all good. Im also riding my bike again. Im up to 15+ miles, and that is almost where I was when all of this happened. In fact, next Sunday, October 7, Im riding 25 miles in a bike ride called Pedal the Cause. It is a fundraising ride to raise funds for cancer research. 100% of the funds raised stay here in St. Louis for cancer research. If anyone reading this would like to donate to my fund raising efforts, I would greatly appreciate it. Here is the link: https://www.pedalthecause.org/donate_cart.jsp?MemberID=17912
I for one, and pretty surprised that I feel up to riding after only about 10 or so weeks out of radiation. I started riding again after about 3 weeks or so after the last radiation. Here again, GOD is the winner. It is only thru HIS strength that I have been able to do what Ive been able to do. Im not bragging or anything like that, Im just very blessed to be able to do things. The Dr did give me 100% release to work out. In fact he knows that Im participating in the LIVESTRONG program at the YMCA.
Lots of things going on, lots of changes. One of the biggest changes, and one Im not unhappy with, is my weight. I had gained a bit of weight before all this started, and that has actually turned out to be a good thing. That means I had plenty to lose, and lose I did. Ive lost quite a bit since January. Im down under 200 really for the 1st time in about 40 years, going all the way back to my basic training days. LOL NOW if I can just put some muscle on this frame and keep the weight where it is I'll be in the same shape I was then. Workin on it!!
I came up with this title because you can NEVER lose when you have God on your side. I know that may sound trite, maybe even a bit of a stretch for some of you, HOWEVER, I know for a fact that it is true.
I had my 3rd PET scan this last week. As strong as my faith has been, I must admit, a bit of apprehension had crept in. This whole thing of being "sick" is new to me. I guess one reason might have been that a friend who had a "similar", but not exactly the same, bout to mine, was just found to have lung cancer. The one major difference is that I was told I have this P16 gene that apparently allows for the cancer to have a better rate of healing with no new disease taking place, and as far as I know my friend did not have that gene.
The great news is that GOD still is the winner and cancer is STLL the loser! Simple as that. God wins, cancer loses. There is no disease on this planet that God cannot heal. So if that is the case, why do some get healed, and some do not. To that question, I do not have an answer. Im just very grateful that that He blessed me with healing. Im still believing for "complete" healing, meaning that I still have a few minor issues such as dry mouth. Though the Dr says that may never be 100%, I gotta believe that God will bring full restoration. As this point it is an annoyance. I have about 80% of my taste back, even though the Dr's said that it would take 6+ months, it has only been about 9 weeks. They are pretty amazed at that. They are also believing that it was all them that did the healing, I keep telling them that they were just the tools used by God. :)
Im also experiencing a bit of fatigue still. Of course I try to overdo, and when I do, I pay the price of being tired for a few days. An example is that I just did a sound install in CA and put in 4 very long days and now Im just tired! HOWEVER on the up side, I was able to do it! I had my "crew" helping me and that is all good. Im also riding my bike again. Im up to 15+ miles, and that is almost where I was when all of this happened. In fact, next Sunday, October 7, Im riding 25 miles in a bike ride called Pedal the Cause. It is a fundraising ride to raise funds for cancer research. 100% of the funds raised stay here in St. Louis for cancer research. If anyone reading this would like to donate to my fund raising efforts, I would greatly appreciate it. Here is the link: https://www.pedalthecause.org/donate_cart.jsp?MemberID=17912
I for one, and pretty surprised that I feel up to riding after only about 10 or so weeks out of radiation. I started riding again after about 3 weeks or so after the last radiation. Here again, GOD is the winner. It is only thru HIS strength that I have been able to do what Ive been able to do. Im not bragging or anything like that, Im just very blessed to be able to do things. The Dr did give me 100% release to work out. In fact he knows that Im participating in the LIVESTRONG program at the YMCA.
Lots of things going on, lots of changes. One of the biggest changes, and one Im not unhappy with, is my weight. I had gained a bit of weight before all this started, and that has actually turned out to be a good thing. That means I had plenty to lose, and lose I did. Ive lost quite a bit since January. Im down under 200 really for the 1st time in about 40 years, going all the way back to my basic training days. LOL NOW if I can just put some muscle on this frame and keep the weight where it is I'll be in the same shape I was then. Workin on it!!
Friday, September 7, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - GRATITUDE OR GRUMBLING??
I know that the title may just catch some of you off guard. HOWEVER I've been thinking a lot these days about a lot of things. Im doing pretty well according to the doctors, better than they ever expected at this point in the recovery process. I feel good, Im back riding my bike again, life is good.
So why the title. It was brought to me this morning by a good friend, Terri, in one of her daily posts. I had been thinking about this whole thing for awhile now, and she gave me the push I needed to write. WHY gratitude over grumbling??? Well 1st of all it is a WHOLE lot easier to be around someone who is positive and NOT negative. A negative person pretty much always seems to be grumbling about something. I KNOW this, because at one time, I was there. I would just find reasons to moan and groan about something. I was miserable, so I was making everyone around me the same way. I was a piece of work!! Part of the reason I was that way, is because I had put negative people in my life. I finally realized that who your friends are, is who you are. VERY hard to admit, but so very true. I had a decision to make and I finally eliminated most all of those people from my life. The ones that I did not completely eliminate, I greatly reduced my time around them, making me a much nicer person to be around. :) Just ask my family!!
One thing I have been thinking of lately, is WHY did God choose me to heal. There are LOTS of people that need healing. Anything from that dreaded C word to other diseases. So why me? I really have not found that answer yet, but here is one possible reason. From the minute that the Dr told me what he "thought" it was, to now, I have not for one minute thought that HE would NOT heal. In fact whenever Im asked about how Im doing, or how I feel, or what is the prognosis, the 1st thing I say is that GOD has healed me. I usually get a very strange look, then usually a snicker. BUT that is OK. God knows and that is the big deal!! That might sound like a bunch of "stuff", but the Bible is pretty clear on this. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and Life are in the POWER of the tongue, and those who LOVE it will eat its fruit!" I think this pretty much says it all. I believe we do have power over what we say and how we say it. Ive been tempted lately to start having some doubt about things, especially after hearing about some that have had issues with disease coming back, or needing additional treatment. Here again I dont know WHY, but I do know that when God heals, he COMPLETELY heals!
On another subject, but really goes hand in hand with this, is should we not try to be a blessing to someone on a daily basis?? That does not mean go out and give someone money or whatever, but it might. What would happen if you just picked up someones check at a restaurant? Or if you saw someone struggling with getting a load of groceries in their car and stopped for even a minute to help them load up? How about the single mother next door who needs a tank of gas? These are just a few ideas that you can use to be a blessing. YES some do involve money, but mostly you can even just say a few nice words to brighten someones day. THINK before you SPEAK! Just be aware of surrounding and be aware of that little voice that might tell you to do something. It just might be God whispering to you. You never know who you might help, it MIGHT be an angel in disguise.
So why the title. It was brought to me this morning by a good friend, Terri, in one of her daily posts. I had been thinking about this whole thing for awhile now, and she gave me the push I needed to write. WHY gratitude over grumbling??? Well 1st of all it is a WHOLE lot easier to be around someone who is positive and NOT negative. A negative person pretty much always seems to be grumbling about something. I KNOW this, because at one time, I was there. I would just find reasons to moan and groan about something. I was miserable, so I was making everyone around me the same way. I was a piece of work!! Part of the reason I was that way, is because I had put negative people in my life. I finally realized that who your friends are, is who you are. VERY hard to admit, but so very true. I had a decision to make and I finally eliminated most all of those people from my life. The ones that I did not completely eliminate, I greatly reduced my time around them, making me a much nicer person to be around. :) Just ask my family!!
One thing I have been thinking of lately, is WHY did God choose me to heal. There are LOTS of people that need healing. Anything from that dreaded C word to other diseases. So why me? I really have not found that answer yet, but here is one possible reason. From the minute that the Dr told me what he "thought" it was, to now, I have not for one minute thought that HE would NOT heal. In fact whenever Im asked about how Im doing, or how I feel, or what is the prognosis, the 1st thing I say is that GOD has healed me. I usually get a very strange look, then usually a snicker. BUT that is OK. God knows and that is the big deal!! That might sound like a bunch of "stuff", but the Bible is pretty clear on this. Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and Life are in the POWER of the tongue, and those who LOVE it will eat its fruit!" I think this pretty much says it all. I believe we do have power over what we say and how we say it. Ive been tempted lately to start having some doubt about things, especially after hearing about some that have had issues with disease coming back, or needing additional treatment. Here again I dont know WHY, but I do know that when God heals, he COMPLETELY heals!
On another subject, but really goes hand in hand with this, is should we not try to be a blessing to someone on a daily basis?? That does not mean go out and give someone money or whatever, but it might. What would happen if you just picked up someones check at a restaurant? Or if you saw someone struggling with getting a load of groceries in their car and stopped for even a minute to help them load up? How about the single mother next door who needs a tank of gas? These are just a few ideas that you can use to be a blessing. YES some do involve money, but mostly you can even just say a few nice words to brighten someones day. THINK before you SPEAK! Just be aware of surrounding and be aware of that little voice that might tell you to do something. It just might be God whispering to you. You never know who you might help, it MIGHT be an angel in disguise.
Friday, August 31, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - LIFE IS AN UPDATE!
Well we have a dreary rainy day here in St. Louis. HOWEVER that is such a blessing. Like a lot of the country, we have been in a huge drought for most of the summer and even going back to a lot of the spring. Multiple days of 100+ temps, high humidity, but NO rain. NOW we are getting the remnants of Hurricane Issac. THANKFULLY we at this time are not getting torrential rains, or high winds like our friends on the Gulf Coast. Keep them in your prayers. A lot of areas actually got it as bad as Katrina was, even though this storm was not as bad, but it was huge and just seemed to sit in one place and dump huge amounts of rain on the area. Lots of flooding going on.
Well it has been 7 weeks since my last radiation treatment, and Im doing pretty well for having gone thru all that stuff. My taste is coming back, probably around 80%, but the dry mouth is still ever present. Sometimes I feel like a raccoon when I eat. I take a bite of food, and a drink of water, bite of food, drink of water, drink of water, bite of food. LOL Really probably a much healthier way of eating but certainly NOT the way Im accustomed to. Some foods, especially bread type food, or real sugar type of foods are particularly hard to eat because it is an almost immediate drying of my mouth. Really lets you know what the saliva in your mouth really does. (I dont have much of that just yet), but hopefully that will be on the rebound soon.
Ive seen both of my doctors in the last week or so, and both seem impressed that I am able to eat and really have NO pain. I give all the credit for that to God. He is the real healer. Im where I am because of God. Without Him, I would still be fighting this disease and I will be honest, I dont think I would have the strength to do it. When they gave me the diagnosis back in February, they called it Stage 4!! That is very shocking to hear, but it also shows that NOTHING is too big for God. They called it that because it had spread to my lymph nodes.
You might remember that a short time ago, I mentioned a friend of mines mother! She has had a bit of an issue come up and I would love for you to keep her in prayer. Apparently an infection of some kind has gotten into her surgery area and is causing issues.
In other news, Ive started riding my bike again. The 1st foray back into the riding was interesting only about 5 miles, but considering that I had not ridden but a couple of times since January, I was happy with that. Well Ive progressed to the point that I got in 15+ miles the other day. Im also working out at the Y. They have a new program for cancer survivors, patients, and their support people called LIVESTRONG. This is sponsored by the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You may or may not know but Lance Armstrong had cancer some years ago, recovered and started this foundation to help others. Regardless of what you might believe about Lance Armstrong, his foundation does a great work, and I for one appreciate it. I will be riding in the PEDAL THE CAUSE bike ride here in St. Louis on October 7. Im doing the 25 mile bike ride to raise funds for cancer research. The cool thing about this ride is that 100% of the funds raise stay here in St. Louis to fund cancer research. If you could donate to this, I would totally appreciate it. Here is a link to that site.
https://www.pedalthecause.org/donate_cart.jsp?MemberID=17912
You can just click on this and it will take you to my little profile on the website.
Thats about all for now. I will keep everyone updated as things go forward. I do have another PET scan on September 24, and that is a formality I already know that there will be nothing out of order seen.
I will be headed to CA for a short vacation and then a week of work out there installing a new sound/lighting/video system for a church in Fresno. Should be a lot of fun!!
Well it has been 7 weeks since my last radiation treatment, and Im doing pretty well for having gone thru all that stuff. My taste is coming back, probably around 80%, but the dry mouth is still ever present. Sometimes I feel like a raccoon when I eat. I take a bite of food, and a drink of water, bite of food, drink of water, drink of water, bite of food. LOL Really probably a much healthier way of eating but certainly NOT the way Im accustomed to. Some foods, especially bread type food, or real sugar type of foods are particularly hard to eat because it is an almost immediate drying of my mouth. Really lets you know what the saliva in your mouth really does. (I dont have much of that just yet), but hopefully that will be on the rebound soon.
Ive seen both of my doctors in the last week or so, and both seem impressed that I am able to eat and really have NO pain. I give all the credit for that to God. He is the real healer. Im where I am because of God. Without Him, I would still be fighting this disease and I will be honest, I dont think I would have the strength to do it. When they gave me the diagnosis back in February, they called it Stage 4!! That is very shocking to hear, but it also shows that NOTHING is too big for God. They called it that because it had spread to my lymph nodes.
You might remember that a short time ago, I mentioned a friend of mines mother! She has had a bit of an issue come up and I would love for you to keep her in prayer. Apparently an infection of some kind has gotten into her surgery area and is causing issues.
In other news, Ive started riding my bike again. The 1st foray back into the riding was interesting only about 5 miles, but considering that I had not ridden but a couple of times since January, I was happy with that. Well Ive progressed to the point that I got in 15+ miles the other day. Im also working out at the Y. They have a new program for cancer survivors, patients, and their support people called LIVESTRONG. This is sponsored by the Lance Armstrong Foundation. You may or may not know but Lance Armstrong had cancer some years ago, recovered and started this foundation to help others. Regardless of what you might believe about Lance Armstrong, his foundation does a great work, and I for one appreciate it. I will be riding in the PEDAL THE CAUSE bike ride here in St. Louis on October 7. Im doing the 25 mile bike ride to raise funds for cancer research. The cool thing about this ride is that 100% of the funds raise stay here in St. Louis to fund cancer research. If you could donate to this, I would totally appreciate it. Here is a link to that site.
https://www.pedalthecause.org/donate_cart.jsp?MemberID=17912
You can just click on this and it will take you to my little profile on the website.
Thats about all for now. I will keep everyone updated as things go forward. I do have another PET scan on September 24, and that is a formality I already know that there will be nothing out of order seen.
I will be headed to CA for a short vacation and then a week of work out there installing a new sound/lighting/video system for a church in Fresno. Should be a lot of fun!!
Thursday, August 9, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - 4 WEEKS POST RADIATION
Well it has been just one day shy of 4 weeks since the last radiation treatment! I WISH I had known that the "worst" was yet to come! LOL I really had not much bad going on until AFTER the last radiation treatment. No really bad sore throat, was still able to eat some things, some dry mouth but not horrible. THEN it all hit. Sore throat was not unbelievable, but was bad. Dry mouth got a whole lot worse, and taste buds just gone. I was bummed.
HOWEVER, I decided to try some acupuncture, and believe it or not, it seems to be working. I dont really know what prompted me to try it, but I believe that God pushed me a bit. I was a bit down because I could not really eat, I was having to drink protein shakes, which while NOT horrible, but not totally pleasant either. I finally decided to "try" some savory type foods, and discovered that I could eat them. That being said, Ive been trying to expand on that a bit, and it seems to be working. Im convinced that the acupuncture is working. A very nice Chinese Dr is taking care of me, and really knows her stuff about sticking people with tiny needles. Im eating a lot of things again. Some things work, some dont. Anything dairy not so much, most things savory are good. I find that a bit interesting. You would think it would be the other way around, but OH WELL, at least Im eating something. I had lost about 53 pounds, and was below the 200 mark for the 1st time since my basic training days, way back in the early 70's. Im back above that line now and really would like to pretty much stay where I am weight wise.
Now the issue is I really need to gain back the muscle I've lost. On the very high plus side, I have started riding my bike again. The first ride "post" radiation was a couple of evenings ago, WOW it was fantastic getting on the bike again. It was only 5.2 miles, but it was great feeling the wind and the muscle burn. I would have been very happy with maybe 3 miles, but 5 was fantastic. This weekend will be really nice weather and I plan on taking full advantage of it. You really dont realize how much you miss something till you are not able to do it. I had not really been able to ride, or really any other exercise since all this started back in February. Of course I could not ride when it is freezing, but honestly had NO energy to even go to the Y. I was able to do one spin class just before I started treatments, and so for 5 months nothing.
Im hopeful that I can catch up on my riding and get up to 20 miles or more quickly. Im going to push for 10 or more this weekend. I know for some riders that does not sound like much, but not have been riding all season, I have no "bike" legs, or butt! LOL All of this should come back quickly, at least I am counting on that.
This particular blog has been a bit different than most I have written. I guess at this point, Im just feeling that I needed to maybe encouraging some that might be going thru some trials, or some treatments that are getting you down. I know, I have been there, and in some ways, am STILL there. Chemo and radiation literally suck the life right out of you. They both affect every area of your body. I did not know this about radiation. Dr said it would only be the area they were aiming at. BOY was that a fib. :) I noticed that I was bruising very easy, and come to find out it was from the radiation affecting my whole body. Im still getting tired pretty easy, but Im hoping that getting out and doing more exercise that will change and I wont tire as easy.
If you happen to be reading this, and you are suffering from cancer, or any other disease, and it has you down, and you are feeling that you are alone. Look UP. You are not alone. God is just a whisper away. His healing power is yours for the taking. God is the best friend you will ever have, and really someone you can call on 24/7. I know several of you reading this, either have a disease or know someone who does. I just hope and pray that some of these blogs are helpful.
Stay tuned, there is more to come. One other note about bike riding, I thinking of doing a charity ride on October 6, all the monies raised go directly to cancer research here in St. Louis. I think that is a very worthy cause. How about you?
HOWEVER, I decided to try some acupuncture, and believe it or not, it seems to be working. I dont really know what prompted me to try it, but I believe that God pushed me a bit. I was a bit down because I could not really eat, I was having to drink protein shakes, which while NOT horrible, but not totally pleasant either. I finally decided to "try" some savory type foods, and discovered that I could eat them. That being said, Ive been trying to expand on that a bit, and it seems to be working. Im convinced that the acupuncture is working. A very nice Chinese Dr is taking care of me, and really knows her stuff about sticking people with tiny needles. Im eating a lot of things again. Some things work, some dont. Anything dairy not so much, most things savory are good. I find that a bit interesting. You would think it would be the other way around, but OH WELL, at least Im eating something. I had lost about 53 pounds, and was below the 200 mark for the 1st time since my basic training days, way back in the early 70's. Im back above that line now and really would like to pretty much stay where I am weight wise.
Now the issue is I really need to gain back the muscle I've lost. On the very high plus side, I have started riding my bike again. The first ride "post" radiation was a couple of evenings ago, WOW it was fantastic getting on the bike again. It was only 5.2 miles, but it was great feeling the wind and the muscle burn. I would have been very happy with maybe 3 miles, but 5 was fantastic. This weekend will be really nice weather and I plan on taking full advantage of it. You really dont realize how much you miss something till you are not able to do it. I had not really been able to ride, or really any other exercise since all this started back in February. Of course I could not ride when it is freezing, but honestly had NO energy to even go to the Y. I was able to do one spin class just before I started treatments, and so for 5 months nothing.
Im hopeful that I can catch up on my riding and get up to 20 miles or more quickly. Im going to push for 10 or more this weekend. I know for some riders that does not sound like much, but not have been riding all season, I have no "bike" legs, or butt! LOL All of this should come back quickly, at least I am counting on that.
This particular blog has been a bit different than most I have written. I guess at this point, Im just feeling that I needed to maybe encouraging some that might be going thru some trials, or some treatments that are getting you down. I know, I have been there, and in some ways, am STILL there. Chemo and radiation literally suck the life right out of you. They both affect every area of your body. I did not know this about radiation. Dr said it would only be the area they were aiming at. BOY was that a fib. :) I noticed that I was bruising very easy, and come to find out it was from the radiation affecting my whole body. Im still getting tired pretty easy, but Im hoping that getting out and doing more exercise that will change and I wont tire as easy.
If you happen to be reading this, and you are suffering from cancer, or any other disease, and it has you down, and you are feeling that you are alone. Look UP. You are not alone. God is just a whisper away. His healing power is yours for the taking. God is the best friend you will ever have, and really someone you can call on 24/7. I know several of you reading this, either have a disease or know someone who does. I just hope and pray that some of these blogs are helpful.
Stay tuned, there is more to come. One other note about bike riding, I thinking of doing a charity ride on October 6, all the monies raised go directly to cancer research here in St. Louis. I think that is a very worthy cause. How about you?
Sunday, July 15, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - FINAL TRIP DOWN RADIATION LANE!
FRIDAY THE 13TH!! Who among you think this is a great day? It has long been a day associated with "bad luck", black cats, just bad "mo jo", well NO MORE! Friday July 13, 2012 is a day that will be celebrated as an awesome day. It was the day that I had my last radiation treatment for the dreaded disease that had the audacity to attack my throat! I guess that satan did not get the message that I belonged to God and that HE was going to take care of things. YES I did have chemo treatment! YES I had radiation therapy! HOWEVER God was in control the whole time. IN FACT the last PET scan showed that I had already been healed before the radiation took place.
So why you ask am I writing about all of this? Well maybe you need to know about all of this! Maybe its because this is what God wants someone out there to read and see. :) It has been an incredible journey since the end of January. You know when a Dr comes into the ER room you are in and says the words that everyone wants to hear, "You have cancer", NOT, it can go one of 2 ways. You can say NO way, or you can give up and do whatever people do that give up. I politely told him he was making a mistake. When my personal physician came into the hospital room the next day and said the same thing, I politely told her NO I dont. When the ENT specialist told me pretty much the following week, and then said I was going to need surgery to cut out my voice box and that I would need a permanent trach tube, and that I would need a feeding tube, I told him NO I would not. Was I just in denial? Was I just being a jerk? OR was I being faithful to what I had been told my whole life, that God is a healer. Im to this day, not totally sure, but I did believe that God was/is/and forever will be a healer. I might have been in a bit of denial, I might have been a bit of a jerk, (did not like the Dr's) LOL HOWEVER Im thankful to the ER Dr who discovered it and had the forethought to do the CT scan because "something" told him to. There have been many "strange" things that have happened in the last 5 1/2 months, way too many to name each and every one, but I can see Gods hand in the whole journey.
Just as one of many examples, the radiation therapists were all amazed that the burns on my neck were not worse than they are. They were amazed that I had not lost my voice. They were amazed that I had not had to get a feeding tube. They were amazed that my throat was not more sore than it was. This they told me on Friday the 13th!! According to them, MOST people by the time they are into the radiation are losing their voice, and have a feeding tube. My response was that EVERY day as the table went into that tube, I just said "thank you Jesus" and then I prayed that God would only allow the bad to be harmed and NOT the good! That is the same prayer that friends at church were praying. That was way more than 2 agreeing on one thing as the Bible says.
I told the Dr's early on that I did not want a tube and that God was going to protect me. I knew this because I had/have literally thousands of people praying for my well being. MOST of them I have never met, but they were asked to pray so they prayed. Does this all mean that I was unafraid thru all of this. NO, it meant that I felt Gods hand. I must admit there were plenty of times I was afraid. There were plenty of times, including just about 3 weeks before the end, that I wanted to quit. Now about that. I have some awesome friends, and 3 of those friends are Dave and Sherri and Sherri's mom. Sherri's mom had a very similar situation. She had some pretty radical surgery, that Im sure was not pleasant. She went thru chemo, and the 35 radiation treatments, and MADE IT!! She is 78 years old, and is doing wonderful. She has energy, she has spunk, and she has beauty. Its amazing what God will do when you let him in to do it. I remember when we 1st met her she insisted that my wife take her chair. She hopped up on her bed. Now this is not the "normal" height bed, it is higher. She hopped on it like a 12 year old girl. How awesome is that. Ive said all of this to say that SHE was also an inspiration to me. Mr big, tough guy, who did not want to do radiation because of some supposed side effects. She made it thru so why shouldn't I? Absolutely NO reason. :) The really cool thing is that SHE asks about me and my well being all the time. HOW AWESOME IS THAT???
As I walked out of the radiation room for the last time, something was afoot! There was a ribbon strung across the opening and I was hearing music from the Olympics. I was really surprise that the hospital would do something like that. WELL as it turned out the HOSPITAL did not do it. These same friends, conspired with my wife and did all of the celebration. I was HUGELY surprised and blown away!
Friday the 13th, HA! Just a date!
So why you ask am I writing about all of this? Well maybe you need to know about all of this! Maybe its because this is what God wants someone out there to read and see. :) It has been an incredible journey since the end of January. You know when a Dr comes into the ER room you are in and says the words that everyone wants to hear, "You have cancer", NOT, it can go one of 2 ways. You can say NO way, or you can give up and do whatever people do that give up. I politely told him he was making a mistake. When my personal physician came into the hospital room the next day and said the same thing, I politely told her NO I dont. When the ENT specialist told me pretty much the following week, and then said I was going to need surgery to cut out my voice box and that I would need a permanent trach tube, and that I would need a feeding tube, I told him NO I would not. Was I just in denial? Was I just being a jerk? OR was I being faithful to what I had been told my whole life, that God is a healer. Im to this day, not totally sure, but I did believe that God was/is/and forever will be a healer. I might have been in a bit of denial, I might have been a bit of a jerk, (did not like the Dr's) LOL HOWEVER Im thankful to the ER Dr who discovered it and had the forethought to do the CT scan because "something" told him to. There have been many "strange" things that have happened in the last 5 1/2 months, way too many to name each and every one, but I can see Gods hand in the whole journey.
Just as one of many examples, the radiation therapists were all amazed that the burns on my neck were not worse than they are. They were amazed that I had not lost my voice. They were amazed that I had not had to get a feeding tube. They were amazed that my throat was not more sore than it was. This they told me on Friday the 13th!! According to them, MOST people by the time they are into the radiation are losing their voice, and have a feeding tube. My response was that EVERY day as the table went into that tube, I just said "thank you Jesus" and then I prayed that God would only allow the bad to be harmed and NOT the good! That is the same prayer that friends at church were praying. That was way more than 2 agreeing on one thing as the Bible says.
I told the Dr's early on that I did not want a tube and that God was going to protect me. I knew this because I had/have literally thousands of people praying for my well being. MOST of them I have never met, but they were asked to pray so they prayed. Does this all mean that I was unafraid thru all of this. NO, it meant that I felt Gods hand. I must admit there were plenty of times I was afraid. There were plenty of times, including just about 3 weeks before the end, that I wanted to quit. Now about that. I have some awesome friends, and 3 of those friends are Dave and Sherri and Sherri's mom. Sherri's mom had a very similar situation. She had some pretty radical surgery, that Im sure was not pleasant. She went thru chemo, and the 35 radiation treatments, and MADE IT!! She is 78 years old, and is doing wonderful. She has energy, she has spunk, and she has beauty. Its amazing what God will do when you let him in to do it. I remember when we 1st met her she insisted that my wife take her chair. She hopped up on her bed. Now this is not the "normal" height bed, it is higher. She hopped on it like a 12 year old girl. How awesome is that. Ive said all of this to say that SHE was also an inspiration to me. Mr big, tough guy, who did not want to do radiation because of some supposed side effects. She made it thru so why shouldn't I? Absolutely NO reason. :) The really cool thing is that SHE asks about me and my well being all the time. HOW AWESOME IS THAT???
As I walked out of the radiation room for the last time, something was afoot! There was a ribbon strung across the opening and I was hearing music from the Olympics. I was really surprise that the hospital would do something like that. WELL as it turned out the HOSPITAL did not do it. These same friends, conspired with my wife and did all of the celebration. I was HUGELY surprised and blown away!
Friday the 13th, HA! Just a date!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
LIFE AT 61 - WHAT A JOURNEY!
As I sit here writing this blog, it is a Sunday morning, and it has cooled just a bit. After 10 consecutive days of 100+ heat it will only be in the upper 90's today! LOL Big cool down, but seriously, it all goes with what Im going to write about, and that is what a journey, but on top of that the many blessings I have been given along this journey.
As most of you who have been reading along with me on this journey, it all started way back in January and has had its ups and downs for the last almost 6 months. Just few notes on exactly where this journey has led.
To date, I have had 32 CT Scans, 2 PET scans, 3 chemo treatments with 2 harsh chemicals each time, 30 radiation treatments. In addition to that, I had 3 occasions under anesthesia. Once for the biopsy, once to have a port put in, and once for a colonoscopy. You might be wondering WHY so many CT scans, the reason is that they do one for each radiation treatment, I had one in the ER when I 1st found out things were haywire, and I had one when the radiation did not happen. (I freaked out when the mask I have to wear was too tight on my throat!)
Is this really anymore than other people with this horrible disease go thru. I dont think so, except to say that the Dr and techs have told me that treatment for what I have is the harshest of all the cancer treatments they do. They get very agressive with it, and I suppose in the end I really appreciate that, however my body is not too hip on it. LOL I still have this coming week of treatments before Im done. That is 5 more CT scans and 5 more radiation treatments. Interesting enough I dont glow in the dark, which I was sure I was probably going to do. I am curious about one thing, I will be flying a week after Im done with treatments, will I set off the radiation detectors in airport security?? I dont know, maybe I should ask. :)
I was told the 1st week of February when I saw the original physician, that several things were going to have to happen because of treatment. They were very matter of fact, and straight faced which I suppose they have to be in dealing with diseases that can be fatal. I was told that there ideally would have to be surgery to remove my voice box. I turned that down cold. I knew that I served a very big God and that He would heal this. The next thing was that I would need chemo and probably radiation therapy and then there is no guarantee WITHOUT surgery. In addition to that, I would need a feeding tube because I would not be able to swallow or eat because of an intense sore throat and that I should not try to be a "hero" because I would not be able to stand the pain. I once again told them that God would not let that happen.
OK, well I went to the oncologist and he laid out a plan for the chemo, but there "just happened" to be a meeting the Friday after we met, of the staff of physicians that deal with head and neck cancers and he would present my case to them for additional opinions. The results of that meeting was that I did NOT need surgery, and that the chemo and radiation would take care of things. In addition they decided to NOT use one of the chemicals they originally planned because a side effect is loss of hearing. Since Im involved with sound, that would not have been good. God had HIS hand on that meeting and on me. The 3 chemo treatments were basically non events, with very few side effects and I KNOW that God had His hand on me the whole time. I never really lost my appetite, I was able to do most things, though I took it easy because I was fatigued. When the chemo was done, they did the 2nd PET scan, and if you have been reading this blog, you know that God had healed the cancer, there was NONE to be found. However they decided that I had to do radiation because that is what they do, and I did not feel the release from God to tell them no. (though I REALLY wanted to. LOL) I want to add here that the chemo Dr wanted to use a another round of chemo thru this last 7 weeks, but after investigating the probable side effects, and the 1st one being that it damages the heart, I felt like God was telling me to say no, so we did, and I have not looked back and wondered "what if?" I have felt totally blessed during this time. I have had so very many friends and family praying for me and encouraging me, it has been incredible.
The radiation started 6 weeks ago, and will finish this week, on FRIDAY THE 13TH!! How funny is that? A day that is typically associated with "bad luck" will be a day of freedom and a day where I can walk out of the hospital with my "jason mask". (This mask is form fitted to your face and they use it to guide so they know where to aim the radiation, and it is bolted down to the table so you cannot move your head!) The 1st few weeks of radiation were not too bad with the exception that I started losing my taste, and saliva. That basically meant that I was going to eat a LOT less. Those who know me, know that I could probably afford to eat a little less. :) Since radiation is a "cumulative" process, some of the symptoms have gotten worse, such as dry mouth, and now nothing really tastes too good. The radically sore throat I was promised has not reared its ugly head. I have a bit of a sore throat, but nothing that is so bad that I cannot swallow. Tell me God is not great!! Yes there have been side effects, but nothing that is totally intolerable. YES there have been a few times I wanted to just quit, but God just gave me the ability to get to this point, and now I have only 5 treatments left and will walk out totally healed.
God gets all the praise and glory for this healing. WHY did I have to go thru this? I dont know, I never really asked. I assume that there is a reason, and that someday I will find out. Perhaps it will be helping others deal with their disease. Maybe it will be just telling others about Gods great healing power and how He loves us. I really dont know. I just know I want to be ready for whatever He has planned.
As most of you who have been reading along with me on this journey, it all started way back in January and has had its ups and downs for the last almost 6 months. Just few notes on exactly where this journey has led.
To date, I have had 32 CT Scans, 2 PET scans, 3 chemo treatments with 2 harsh chemicals each time, 30 radiation treatments. In addition to that, I had 3 occasions under anesthesia. Once for the biopsy, once to have a port put in, and once for a colonoscopy. You might be wondering WHY so many CT scans, the reason is that they do one for each radiation treatment, I had one in the ER when I 1st found out things were haywire, and I had one when the radiation did not happen. (I freaked out when the mask I have to wear was too tight on my throat!)
Is this really anymore than other people with this horrible disease go thru. I dont think so, except to say that the Dr and techs have told me that treatment for what I have is the harshest of all the cancer treatments they do. They get very agressive with it, and I suppose in the end I really appreciate that, however my body is not too hip on it. LOL I still have this coming week of treatments before Im done. That is 5 more CT scans and 5 more radiation treatments. Interesting enough I dont glow in the dark, which I was sure I was probably going to do. I am curious about one thing, I will be flying a week after Im done with treatments, will I set off the radiation detectors in airport security?? I dont know, maybe I should ask. :)
I was told the 1st week of February when I saw the original physician, that several things were going to have to happen because of treatment. They were very matter of fact, and straight faced which I suppose they have to be in dealing with diseases that can be fatal. I was told that there ideally would have to be surgery to remove my voice box. I turned that down cold. I knew that I served a very big God and that He would heal this. The next thing was that I would need chemo and probably radiation therapy and then there is no guarantee WITHOUT surgery. In addition to that, I would need a feeding tube because I would not be able to swallow or eat because of an intense sore throat and that I should not try to be a "hero" because I would not be able to stand the pain. I once again told them that God would not let that happen.
OK, well I went to the oncologist and he laid out a plan for the chemo, but there "just happened" to be a meeting the Friday after we met, of the staff of physicians that deal with head and neck cancers and he would present my case to them for additional opinions. The results of that meeting was that I did NOT need surgery, and that the chemo and radiation would take care of things. In addition they decided to NOT use one of the chemicals they originally planned because a side effect is loss of hearing. Since Im involved with sound, that would not have been good. God had HIS hand on that meeting and on me. The 3 chemo treatments were basically non events, with very few side effects and I KNOW that God had His hand on me the whole time. I never really lost my appetite, I was able to do most things, though I took it easy because I was fatigued. When the chemo was done, they did the 2nd PET scan, and if you have been reading this blog, you know that God had healed the cancer, there was NONE to be found. However they decided that I had to do radiation because that is what they do, and I did not feel the release from God to tell them no. (though I REALLY wanted to. LOL) I want to add here that the chemo Dr wanted to use a another round of chemo thru this last 7 weeks, but after investigating the probable side effects, and the 1st one being that it damages the heart, I felt like God was telling me to say no, so we did, and I have not looked back and wondered "what if?" I have felt totally blessed during this time. I have had so very many friends and family praying for me and encouraging me, it has been incredible.
The radiation started 6 weeks ago, and will finish this week, on FRIDAY THE 13TH!! How funny is that? A day that is typically associated with "bad luck" will be a day of freedom and a day where I can walk out of the hospital with my "jason mask". (This mask is form fitted to your face and they use it to guide so they know where to aim the radiation, and it is bolted down to the table so you cannot move your head!) The 1st few weeks of radiation were not too bad with the exception that I started losing my taste, and saliva. That basically meant that I was going to eat a LOT less. Those who know me, know that I could probably afford to eat a little less. :) Since radiation is a "cumulative" process, some of the symptoms have gotten worse, such as dry mouth, and now nothing really tastes too good. The radically sore throat I was promised has not reared its ugly head. I have a bit of a sore throat, but nothing that is so bad that I cannot swallow. Tell me God is not great!! Yes there have been side effects, but nothing that is totally intolerable. YES there have been a few times I wanted to just quit, but God just gave me the ability to get to this point, and now I have only 5 treatments left and will walk out totally healed.
God gets all the praise and glory for this healing. WHY did I have to go thru this? I dont know, I never really asked. I assume that there is a reason, and that someday I will find out. Perhaps it will be helping others deal with their disease. Maybe it will be just telling others about Gods great healing power and how He loves us. I really dont know. I just know I want to be ready for whatever He has planned.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
NEW LIFE - THE JOURNEY CONTINUES
Well this is the day that I could no longer write about "LIFE AT 60"! LOL I could have just decided to write about being 61, but that would be boring, and besides, it really is not feeling any different being 61 than it was being 60.
Over the last 5 or 6 years on my birthday or the surrounding couple of days, I would ride my bicycle a mile for every year old I was. This year that just is not going to happen. I went out on my birthday and got in 4 miles. UGH, that is a few miles short of 61. :) That 4 miles really kicked my butt, HOWEVER, considering the alternative, Im very thankful and grateful to God for just being able to get on the bike and ride the 4. Im sure everyone that has been reading this blog for the last few months knows about the cancer and the fact that God healed it.
I actually started writing this a few days ago, but just could not finish it at the time. As most of you know, Ive been doing the radiation therapy treatments. 1st of all, in MY opinion there is NOTHING therapeutic about them!! Im sure they will disagree, but something that burns your skin, that takes away your taste buds, and kills your salivary glands, in my opinion is more torture than therapy!! LOL Seriously, Im grateful for the technicians and the Dr who is in charge. I KNOW they are doing what they have been trained to do, and that is to treat people with this dreaded disease. All is all, I suppose what Im going thru could be much worse.
As long as Im on this subject, I may as well expound a bit. (What else would I do??) LOL I consider myself to be very blessed. Now some of you might be wondering why I would say that. Ive been so close to totally losing my voice, and having to have a trach tube put in, but God did not allow that He healed me. I did have 3 chemo treatments with some pretty heavy duty drugs. They had side effects far worse than I had. OK I lost whatever hair I had, no biggie!! I did have quite a bit of fatigue, but I could sleep as much as I wanted. :) I did have a bit of nausea, but nothing major. NOW on to the phase I was NEVER looking forward to, and I could not talk them out of it, so here I am in the middle, literally, of getting my neck and throat radiated. Sometimes I just feel like an experiment going somehow in the wrong direction. HA, I could only wish, that way it would be DONE!! Seriously, I KNOW that what Im going thru is somehow going to be a blessing to someone else. Im 1/2 way to the end, then I DONE, period. July 12, or maybe if Im really blessed a bit earlier.
Ive wondered since the beginning of this journey WHY!!! Ive never been a smoker, NEVER chewed tobacco. NOT really a heavy drinker, yet these are all things that lead to this particular disease. SO I really dont know why, but Im beginning to. Ive known for many years that God wanted me to do certain things, but being the stubborn person that I am, and having a mind of my own, I kinda ignored those things. NOW is another story. I guess the older you get the more mellow you tend to get. HOWEVER when you come face to face with your life and destiny, you get serious very quickly. Ive said this before, but Ive come to look at people a bit differently. I tend to see their pain, or their problems in a way, that I would previously not looked at if I could help it. God has a way of grabbing your attention when He really wants it. :) A good example of what Im talking about is some of the people I see on a daily basis are people that may well die in the next few months. One in particular will probably die soon, even with treatment. His choice was less than a month without treatment, or maybe 6 months with it. Ive not talked to him yet, only his wife. It started out with the fact I mentioned I was working a church VBS called JUMP. This is no ordinary VBS, it is a VBS on steroids. Approximately 5000 kids over a 2 week period. WOW, they did not have that when I was a kid!! Anyway, this lady happens to work literally across the street from the church, and knew exactly what I was talking about. We started chatting, and she shared what was going on with her husband. I was able to see the pain in her eyes at the possibility of losing her mate. Of course she wanted him to do whatever possible. We will continue to talk, Im determined to let her know the love and power of God. Ive already shared that God has healed me, and she acknowledged that. So what am I saying? Im saying that Im willing to share what God has done for me, to whomever will listen for a few minutes. I did not have that boldness prior to all of this. God is guiding me in a direction that Im not totally sure of right now, but Im along for the ride, and willing to do what HE tells me to do. Im sure some people will think Ive totally lost it, but thats OK. Im on the right side and He is my guide in all I am doing.
I really cant wait for the treatments to be DONE. Im SOOOOOOOO done with them. I want to be able to taste food like its supposed to. The Dr says that might take as long as 6-9 months, but Im counting on really tasting turkey at Thanksgiving. I will have so very much to be thankful for. Im also looking forward to being able to work out. Im looking forward to NOT being fatigued all the time. However you know these are really not much in the broader scheme of things.
Over the last 5 or 6 years on my birthday or the surrounding couple of days, I would ride my bicycle a mile for every year old I was. This year that just is not going to happen. I went out on my birthday and got in 4 miles. UGH, that is a few miles short of 61. :) That 4 miles really kicked my butt, HOWEVER, considering the alternative, Im very thankful and grateful to God for just being able to get on the bike and ride the 4. Im sure everyone that has been reading this blog for the last few months knows about the cancer and the fact that God healed it.
I actually started writing this a few days ago, but just could not finish it at the time. As most of you know, Ive been doing the radiation therapy treatments. 1st of all, in MY opinion there is NOTHING therapeutic about them!! Im sure they will disagree, but something that burns your skin, that takes away your taste buds, and kills your salivary glands, in my opinion is more torture than therapy!! LOL Seriously, Im grateful for the technicians and the Dr who is in charge. I KNOW they are doing what they have been trained to do, and that is to treat people with this dreaded disease. All is all, I suppose what Im going thru could be much worse.
As long as Im on this subject, I may as well expound a bit. (What else would I do??) LOL I consider myself to be very blessed. Now some of you might be wondering why I would say that. Ive been so close to totally losing my voice, and having to have a trach tube put in, but God did not allow that He healed me. I did have 3 chemo treatments with some pretty heavy duty drugs. They had side effects far worse than I had. OK I lost whatever hair I had, no biggie!! I did have quite a bit of fatigue, but I could sleep as much as I wanted. :) I did have a bit of nausea, but nothing major. NOW on to the phase I was NEVER looking forward to, and I could not talk them out of it, so here I am in the middle, literally, of getting my neck and throat radiated. Sometimes I just feel like an experiment going somehow in the wrong direction. HA, I could only wish, that way it would be DONE!! Seriously, I KNOW that what Im going thru is somehow going to be a blessing to someone else. Im 1/2 way to the end, then I DONE, period. July 12, or maybe if Im really blessed a bit earlier.
Ive wondered since the beginning of this journey WHY!!! Ive never been a smoker, NEVER chewed tobacco. NOT really a heavy drinker, yet these are all things that lead to this particular disease. SO I really dont know why, but Im beginning to. Ive known for many years that God wanted me to do certain things, but being the stubborn person that I am, and having a mind of my own, I kinda ignored those things. NOW is another story. I guess the older you get the more mellow you tend to get. HOWEVER when you come face to face with your life and destiny, you get serious very quickly. Ive said this before, but Ive come to look at people a bit differently. I tend to see their pain, or their problems in a way, that I would previously not looked at if I could help it. God has a way of grabbing your attention when He really wants it. :) A good example of what Im talking about is some of the people I see on a daily basis are people that may well die in the next few months. One in particular will probably die soon, even with treatment. His choice was less than a month without treatment, or maybe 6 months with it. Ive not talked to him yet, only his wife. It started out with the fact I mentioned I was working a church VBS called JUMP. This is no ordinary VBS, it is a VBS on steroids. Approximately 5000 kids over a 2 week period. WOW, they did not have that when I was a kid!! Anyway, this lady happens to work literally across the street from the church, and knew exactly what I was talking about. We started chatting, and she shared what was going on with her husband. I was able to see the pain in her eyes at the possibility of losing her mate. Of course she wanted him to do whatever possible. We will continue to talk, Im determined to let her know the love and power of God. Ive already shared that God has healed me, and she acknowledged that. So what am I saying? Im saying that Im willing to share what God has done for me, to whomever will listen for a few minutes. I did not have that boldness prior to all of this. God is guiding me in a direction that Im not totally sure of right now, but Im along for the ride, and willing to do what HE tells me to do. Im sure some people will think Ive totally lost it, but thats OK. Im on the right side and He is my guide in all I am doing.
I really cant wait for the treatments to be DONE. Im SOOOOOOOO done with them. I want to be able to taste food like its supposed to. The Dr says that might take as long as 6-9 months, but Im counting on really tasting turkey at Thanksgiving. I will have so very much to be thankful for. Im also looking forward to being able to work out. Im looking forward to NOT being fatigued all the time. However you know these are really not much in the broader scheme of things.
Friday, June 1, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - RADIATION
Well it will only be about 11 more days, and I wont be able to use that title any longer. 60 has been an interesting year. 61 will be an incredible year. :) Wonder what I should start calling this blog? Any ideas? Feel free to suggest, would be interested in ideas. The 1st half of this year was not too bad, and actually the last few months other than a bit of a detour, has not been bad. God has given me an incredible insight into life. A view that had I not gotten this illness, I would not have found. I'll be forever grateful for His love, mercy, and grace.
Well I started radiation on the 23rd of May, and have had 6 treatments. Aside from a bit of claustrophobia, it has been OK. I did have one issue that kinda freaked me out. :) If you know know how they administer the radiation, they form a plastic mesh mask to your face, head, and neck, including in my case the upper shoulders. This is done for them to be able to "map" where the radiation is going to go. It is also so they can literally fasten your head down to the table so you cannot move. Im sure you are probably guessing now what my issue was. Yes it was a bit of claustrophobia, but it was because the mask had apparently shrunk a tad and was resting across my throat and I was having trouble breathing and swallowing. NOT a fun thing. Well anyway, lost that day. I really got to praying about it because I could not afford to lose any more days. I had a foreboding that day, just a feeling that something was not going to be just right. The next day, (yesterday), everything was fine. I got there and they had already made a hole pretty much where it needed to be. Pretty cool how God went before me and the path was cleared. They had to make one more cut to enlarge the hole to make it all good, and so yesterday and today all was good.
Ive been praying since I found out that I would definitely have to have the radiation that I would not have any of the debilitating side effects. There are several that I have been warned about. Severe sore throat, very thick, mucusy saliva, mouth sores, and several other things. Im just believing that God is going to protect me from this. After all HE healed and made everything new, why would He not keep it that way? The really good news is that the Oncologist has told me NO MORE chemo at all. THANK YOU JESUS!!!! There was a possibility of more, but after thinking about it decided that since there is NOTHING there, that more chemo would not really serve any purpose. Imagine that!!!
I had a brief conversation with someone not long ago and they told me to not be surprised if God did not completely heal me. WHAT????? I dont know of a single incident in the Bible where God/Jesus did not completely heal. Imagine if Jesus had told the blind man to go wash in the pool of Siloam, and your sight will be only partially healed. You will still see blurry images. NO that was not the case. The man did as he was told and his sight was FULLY restored. The same is true for the woman with the issue of blood. She had this problem for years. Yet she KNEW that if she could just touch the hem of his garment, she would be healed. YEP that is the case once again. She was completely and fully healed in an instant.
I have been so very blessed during this journey. Im still blown away every day by Gods mercy. When I go into that CT scanner and have that mask bolted down, I just try to rest in HIS arms for those 15 minutes. I get up and walk out and am able to sing praises. OH YEAH that is another thing. My voice is BETTER than it was. I have more resonance, and when I sing, I have gained 2-3 steps on my high notes, and probably 3-4 steps on my lower notes. God is truly amazing. He not only heals, he makes it better than it was. AWESOME!!!
Well I started radiation on the 23rd of May, and have had 6 treatments. Aside from a bit of claustrophobia, it has been OK. I did have one issue that kinda freaked me out. :) If you know know how they administer the radiation, they form a plastic mesh mask to your face, head, and neck, including in my case the upper shoulders. This is done for them to be able to "map" where the radiation is going to go. It is also so they can literally fasten your head down to the table so you cannot move. Im sure you are probably guessing now what my issue was. Yes it was a bit of claustrophobia, but it was because the mask had apparently shrunk a tad and was resting across my throat and I was having trouble breathing and swallowing. NOT a fun thing. Well anyway, lost that day. I really got to praying about it because I could not afford to lose any more days. I had a foreboding that day, just a feeling that something was not going to be just right. The next day, (yesterday), everything was fine. I got there and they had already made a hole pretty much where it needed to be. Pretty cool how God went before me and the path was cleared. They had to make one more cut to enlarge the hole to make it all good, and so yesterday and today all was good.
Ive been praying since I found out that I would definitely have to have the radiation that I would not have any of the debilitating side effects. There are several that I have been warned about. Severe sore throat, very thick, mucusy saliva, mouth sores, and several other things. Im just believing that God is going to protect me from this. After all HE healed and made everything new, why would He not keep it that way? The really good news is that the Oncologist has told me NO MORE chemo at all. THANK YOU JESUS!!!! There was a possibility of more, but after thinking about it decided that since there is NOTHING there, that more chemo would not really serve any purpose. Imagine that!!!
I had a brief conversation with someone not long ago and they told me to not be surprised if God did not completely heal me. WHAT????? I dont know of a single incident in the Bible where God/Jesus did not completely heal. Imagine if Jesus had told the blind man to go wash in the pool of Siloam, and your sight will be only partially healed. You will still see blurry images. NO that was not the case. The man did as he was told and his sight was FULLY restored. The same is true for the woman with the issue of blood. She had this problem for years. Yet she KNEW that if she could just touch the hem of his garment, she would be healed. YEP that is the case once again. She was completely and fully healed in an instant.
I have been so very blessed during this journey. Im still blown away every day by Gods mercy. When I go into that CT scanner and have that mask bolted down, I just try to rest in HIS arms for those 15 minutes. I get up and walk out and am able to sing praises. OH YEAH that is another thing. My voice is BETTER than it was. I have more resonance, and when I sing, I have gained 2-3 steps on my high notes, and probably 3-4 steps on my lower notes. God is truly amazing. He not only heals, he makes it better than it was. AWESOME!!!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - RADIATION BEGINS
Well this has been an interesting couple of weeks. Got the very much expected awesome news that God had healed my cancer! PRAISE GOD for His awesomeness! Then yesterday, Wednesday, started radiation. If you recall, I said they wanted to include chemo with the radiation. I investigated the drug, Erbitux, and was confused, and concerned about the side effects. I started asking God for guidance, and I got it. I had signed up for a marketing research interview about cancer drugs, and my thoughts on them. I did not know everything that would be discussed, but knew that one possibility was the drug Erbitux. Do you really doubt that God has incredible timing? I dont. I will admit, that though taught different, I still often used to have doubts. I NO LONGER DO!!! Some of the things I saw during that interview convinced me that this drug was not one I should be using. Like I said, God's timing is incredible. Now there is still a possibility of more chemo treatments, but NOT with the Erbitux. They are talking about using one of the drugs they have been using all along, but nothing is positive just yet.
I am however doing the radiation. I really did not totally know what to expect, except the medical people telling me that I would be miserable, and all kind of negative things. I guess that is what they know are the possibilities, and with some people the likely outcome. However, Im believing something totally different. God has been so faithful to protect me thru this journey, why should I believe anything different at this point? I shouldn't! Im totally believing that God will not allow the new tissue he created in healing to be damaged in any way by radiation or chemo.
Ive only had 2 radiation treatments at this point, 3rd one is tomorrow. To date, NO side effects aside from some fatigue, but thats nothing compared to what it could be happening. According to the calendar they have given me, I should be done by the end of the 2nd week of July. That sounds to me like Im on the downhill side of this treatment. There will of course be followup visits over the next year, then maybe even more after that. Im confident they wont find anything then either. When God heals, He heals completely.
Ive had such an incredible journey during this time. People I dont know praying for me, strangers asking me to pray for them. Being involved with a community choir and a group of people there that care. An awesome church with people that believe not only in prayer, but the power of prayer and what it can do. Some of them do not know me, only by name, yet they are praying. I know that there are people literally across the country and around the world praying for me. Prayer is our lifeline to God, and He loves it when we call on His name in prayer. He hears and answers. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes not now, but keep on asking and seeking. Praying and reading the Bible is the way to draw closer to God, and knowing Him more.
If you have been one of the people that have been praying for me, THANKS!! Please do not stop. I will never be able to thank people enough for taking just a few moments to mention my name to God. I have some incredible friends, known and unknown!
I am however doing the radiation. I really did not totally know what to expect, except the medical people telling me that I would be miserable, and all kind of negative things. I guess that is what they know are the possibilities, and with some people the likely outcome. However, Im believing something totally different. God has been so faithful to protect me thru this journey, why should I believe anything different at this point? I shouldn't! Im totally believing that God will not allow the new tissue he created in healing to be damaged in any way by radiation or chemo.
Ive only had 2 radiation treatments at this point, 3rd one is tomorrow. To date, NO side effects aside from some fatigue, but thats nothing compared to what it could be happening. According to the calendar they have given me, I should be done by the end of the 2nd week of July. That sounds to me like Im on the downhill side of this treatment. There will of course be followup visits over the next year, then maybe even more after that. Im confident they wont find anything then either. When God heals, He heals completely.
Ive had such an incredible journey during this time. People I dont know praying for me, strangers asking me to pray for them. Being involved with a community choir and a group of people there that care. An awesome church with people that believe not only in prayer, but the power of prayer and what it can do. Some of them do not know me, only by name, yet they are praying. I know that there are people literally across the country and around the world praying for me. Prayer is our lifeline to God, and He loves it when we call on His name in prayer. He hears and answers. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes not now, but keep on asking and seeking. Praying and reading the Bible is the way to draw closer to God, and knowing Him more.
If you have been one of the people that have been praying for me, THANKS!! Please do not stop. I will never be able to thank people enough for taking just a few moments to mention my name to God. I have some incredible friends, known and unknown!
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - PET SCAN II AND STUFF
On January 28th this year, I heard the words "What you have is most likely cancer!" I refused to believe it then, but as time went on, it became obvious that most likely I did have that dreaded disease. THOUGH, I refused to believe it, and refused to give that word ANY credence. I had gone to the ER with a very sore throat, and was having trouble swallowing. I thought, eh, they will give me an inhaler and I'll go home and be fine in a day! OH WELL, there were other plans that day, and the journey started!!
I have written over 36 blogs since that time. During this period, I have have emotional highs, and emotional lows. During the 1st round of chemo, I not only had that going on, but I contracted the flu to compound things. THEN the dreaded NEULASTA shot. For those of you who dont remember that, it is a shot that forces the growth of white blood cells. MUCHO pain from that shot. By forcing the growth of those cells, it forces the marrow in the bones to stretch, and if you can imagine shin splints to the 10th power! Hard to walk, or really move during that time. ALL of this compounded by the flu. It was an interesting few days. However, I still felt pretty blessed, even though I probably did not want to feel that way. It was still far less pain than other people face going thru chemo, and other such things during their cancer fight.
2nd round of chemo was much better. NO side effects from anything. The chemo does what it does and there will always be certain things that go on with the body, but "this too shall pass". LOL What I was unaware of at the time was that I was becoming a bit anemic, so when the time for the 3rd chemo came around, I was unable to take it because of the platelet count being too low. I will admit that I was not happy. You kinda get psyched up for it, then to be let down, just did not sit well with me, part of the flesh happening. Sometimes when you are on a journey, you THINK you have things outlined and under control, but often God has other plans. HIS plans rarely coincide with our plans, yet they are always the perfect plans.
3rd round of chemo was OK. I had side effects from the shot, but I believe that is because the Dr changed a couple of things, and possibly countered what we were doing to make the transition much better and painless. Needless to say I had severe pain in the bones, muscles, and joints. The chemo itself was not too bad, typical. A bit more fatigued than I had been. That was probably caused by the so called cumulative effect of everything. I suppose that is probably right. But once again God has been faithful thru all of this time.
That brings me to yesterday, May 14, I had the 2nd PET scan. This is a scan that you have to lay perfectly still for about 35-40 minutes while this machine literally scans your whole body looking for cancer or any other abnormalities. They give you a radioactive sugar shot. Interesting side note, apparently this shot is strong enough to set off the radioactive scanners at the airport, and you will be stopped! Fortunately I had no flight plans for yesterday! LOL (The shot is sugar because it goes directly to cancer cells. ) I had my IPAD playing some of my favorite songs in the background. THANKS to Cory Edwards for his new CD. I had downloaded it from I-Tunes. Most of his CD are hymns, and one of my favorites is GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS. Awesome piece when you need assurance.
It seems like I have caught all of you up on things. But as Im reading this thru, I may have forgotten something. OH YEAH!! NO SIGN OF CANCER! The PET scan showed no cancer. Yes that is right, I did not mis write this. GOD heals and he has healed. I will still be taking the radiation, it is part of their protocol, and will include some more chemo with it. HOWEVER it is important that you understand that when GOD heals it is done! Drs can shake their heads, and wonder, but I KNEW going into this Dr appointment today that it would be good news, and God once again did not disappoint! We live in a world where Drs do what they do and God does what he does. He is an awesome God, and His love is a deeper love than any of us can imagine.
I will of course continue to keep everyone updated. This is incredible for my family and my friends, but it is another testimony of God's grace and mercy! His word is true and you can rely on that!
I have written over 36 blogs since that time. During this period, I have have emotional highs, and emotional lows. During the 1st round of chemo, I not only had that going on, but I contracted the flu to compound things. THEN the dreaded NEULASTA shot. For those of you who dont remember that, it is a shot that forces the growth of white blood cells. MUCHO pain from that shot. By forcing the growth of those cells, it forces the marrow in the bones to stretch, and if you can imagine shin splints to the 10th power! Hard to walk, or really move during that time. ALL of this compounded by the flu. It was an interesting few days. However, I still felt pretty blessed, even though I probably did not want to feel that way. It was still far less pain than other people face going thru chemo, and other such things during their cancer fight.
2nd round of chemo was much better. NO side effects from anything. The chemo does what it does and there will always be certain things that go on with the body, but "this too shall pass". LOL What I was unaware of at the time was that I was becoming a bit anemic, so when the time for the 3rd chemo came around, I was unable to take it because of the platelet count being too low. I will admit that I was not happy. You kinda get psyched up for it, then to be let down, just did not sit well with me, part of the flesh happening. Sometimes when you are on a journey, you THINK you have things outlined and under control, but often God has other plans. HIS plans rarely coincide with our plans, yet they are always the perfect plans.
3rd round of chemo was OK. I had side effects from the shot, but I believe that is because the Dr changed a couple of things, and possibly countered what we were doing to make the transition much better and painless. Needless to say I had severe pain in the bones, muscles, and joints. The chemo itself was not too bad, typical. A bit more fatigued than I had been. That was probably caused by the so called cumulative effect of everything. I suppose that is probably right. But once again God has been faithful thru all of this time.
That brings me to yesterday, May 14, I had the 2nd PET scan. This is a scan that you have to lay perfectly still for about 35-40 minutes while this machine literally scans your whole body looking for cancer or any other abnormalities. They give you a radioactive sugar shot. Interesting side note, apparently this shot is strong enough to set off the radioactive scanners at the airport, and you will be stopped! Fortunately I had no flight plans for yesterday! LOL (The shot is sugar because it goes directly to cancer cells. ) I had my IPAD playing some of my favorite songs in the background. THANKS to Cory Edwards for his new CD. I had downloaded it from I-Tunes. Most of his CD are hymns, and one of my favorites is GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS. Awesome piece when you need assurance.
It seems like I have caught all of you up on things. But as Im reading this thru, I may have forgotten something. OH YEAH!! NO SIGN OF CANCER! The PET scan showed no cancer. Yes that is right, I did not mis write this. GOD heals and he has healed. I will still be taking the radiation, it is part of their protocol, and will include some more chemo with it. HOWEVER it is important that you understand that when GOD heals it is done! Drs can shake their heads, and wonder, but I KNEW going into this Dr appointment today that it would be good news, and God once again did not disappoint! We live in a world where Drs do what they do and God does what he does. He is an awesome God, and His love is a deeper love than any of us can imagine.
I will of course continue to keep everyone updated. This is incredible for my family and my friends, but it is another testimony of God's grace and mercy! His word is true and you can rely on that!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - SATAN IS A LIAR
Im imagining that this title probably has gotten your attention. But more on that a bit later. I wanted to take a few minutes and let everyone know what is happening.
I had my 3 round of chemo exactly one week ago today. Normal stuff for the 1st couple of days, just fatigue. HOWEVER then the dreaded Neulasta shot! I did all the same stuff as last time, but the Dr changed a few things, and that "might" have been an issue. I once again had very bad bone, joint, an muscle pain. FORTUNATELY it does eventually go away, and by tomorrow or Thursday it will be done. Just wondering if maybe the Dr also gave me a bit more chemo than the others, not sure, but seems like the one bag was "over full", but then again that could be the effects of my "chemo brain". LOL I had been having some very strange things going thru my head, including forgetting, not remembering where I was going or how to get there. VERY strange feelings. I asked about this, and the nurses all started laughing and said DEFINITELY chemo brain! SOOOOO Im assuming that when all this is over, I will revert to my typical crazy self. LOL I do think I may well keep the bald head and face. Getting kind of used to it, and besides, it aint gray!!
I have a PET scan coming up on Monday! Im approaching that with a pretty good mix of excitement and trying to NOT get over confident. I am confident however that they will find nothing. (NO jokes here please). LOL I know they wont find what they did last time. I know that God has healed. I just need to hear the words. They will likely still want to do the radiation "just to be sure" as they say in Dr speak! HOWEVER I will have some questions for them. Should they find nothing with the PET, and I believe that is likely, what exactly will they point the radiation at? They have told me that they use a CT scan daily to aim the radiation, so that being said, if there is nothing there, what are they going to radiate? I guess we will find out soon enough.
OK now to the reason for the title of this blog. Here are some of the reasons I have come up with for the title. So here they come.
Ive been doing some thinking lately, as you might imagine, a lot of time on my hands. Ive come to the conclusion that we as "Christians" have fallen asleep at the wheel of life. We have tried to do too many things ourselves, instead of relying on God for our needs. Please note, that by saying "we", I am also saying ME. Why is that? Well Im going to try to put some answers to that question.
SALVATION AND HEALING were meant for everyone! I understand that is a rather bold statement, but it is true. I think everyone realizes that Salvation was meant for all. We all know the scriptures, John 3:16, Roman's 3:23 etc. But when it comes to healing we get all freaky and start thinking that God does not love us, and that He caused us to be sick and we get all bent because we are not healed. THAT is just plain wrong. (John 3:16-17; For God so love the world that HE gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in HIm shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.) God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
Case 1, satan is a liar!
Salvation and healing is a CHOICE! Here is what I mean. Imagine for a minute I was handing out $100 bills. (NO IM NOT, that is why I said "imagine".) I can hand it to you, but if you dont take it, it will just fall to the ground. For you to have the money, you must TAKE HOLD OF IT! The Bible is quite clear in many scriptures that healing is there for the taking, BUT we must take it. HOWEVER if satan is whispering in your ear constantly that you will never be healed, or that you dont "deserve" to be healed, or that somehow you got this disease. They are ALL LIES!
Case 2, satan is a liar!
Im tired of satan lying, and whispering, and fooling and cheating all of us from what God has promised us. God has promised His people what we need. He did NOT promise us illness. Illness is from satan and not of God, so by that train of thought, health is from God. (Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy! John 10:10). Isaiah 53: 5 says, But He was pierced for our transgressions, and he was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well being fell upon him, and by HIS scourging, we are healed. NO IFS, AND'S OR BUT'S, we are healed because Jesus took the beatings on his body for not only our sins, but for our sickness. God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
So what can we do to fix this situation? I think it is a matter of faith! We cant see faith, but we know when we have it, and we know when it works, but we have issues with it. I really dont understand why! I personally think that we as Christians have gotten lazy in our faith and our beliefs. It is so easy these days with all of our toys to get distracted and sooner than later we get lazy about worshiping God. We get lazy about praying. We get lazy about going to church instead of the lake on Sundays. Im not saying that you should not go the lake. Just dont go every weekend and give up on church for the summer. Im just saying that I truly feel that God is making His people ready for something HE wants to do, and I think that it is going to be a biggie. Im NOT a prophet, Im just me. Im just putting an idea out there that we should all at least think about.
I had my 3 round of chemo exactly one week ago today. Normal stuff for the 1st couple of days, just fatigue. HOWEVER then the dreaded Neulasta shot! I did all the same stuff as last time, but the Dr changed a few things, and that "might" have been an issue. I once again had very bad bone, joint, an muscle pain. FORTUNATELY it does eventually go away, and by tomorrow or Thursday it will be done. Just wondering if maybe the Dr also gave me a bit more chemo than the others, not sure, but seems like the one bag was "over full", but then again that could be the effects of my "chemo brain". LOL I had been having some very strange things going thru my head, including forgetting, not remembering where I was going or how to get there. VERY strange feelings. I asked about this, and the nurses all started laughing and said DEFINITELY chemo brain! SOOOOO Im assuming that when all this is over, I will revert to my typical crazy self. LOL I do think I may well keep the bald head and face. Getting kind of used to it, and besides, it aint gray!!
I have a PET scan coming up on Monday! Im approaching that with a pretty good mix of excitement and trying to NOT get over confident. I am confident however that they will find nothing. (NO jokes here please). LOL I know they wont find what they did last time. I know that God has healed. I just need to hear the words. They will likely still want to do the radiation "just to be sure" as they say in Dr speak! HOWEVER I will have some questions for them. Should they find nothing with the PET, and I believe that is likely, what exactly will they point the radiation at? They have told me that they use a CT scan daily to aim the radiation, so that being said, if there is nothing there, what are they going to radiate? I guess we will find out soon enough.
OK now to the reason for the title of this blog. Here are some of the reasons I have come up with for the title. So here they come.
Ive been doing some thinking lately, as you might imagine, a lot of time on my hands. Ive come to the conclusion that we as "Christians" have fallen asleep at the wheel of life. We have tried to do too many things ourselves, instead of relying on God for our needs. Please note, that by saying "we", I am also saying ME. Why is that? Well Im going to try to put some answers to that question.
SALVATION AND HEALING were meant for everyone! I understand that is a rather bold statement, but it is true. I think everyone realizes that Salvation was meant for all. We all know the scriptures, John 3:16, Roman's 3:23 etc. But when it comes to healing we get all freaky and start thinking that God does not love us, and that He caused us to be sick and we get all bent because we are not healed. THAT is just plain wrong. (John 3:16-17; For God so love the world that HE gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in HIm shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.) God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
Case 1, satan is a liar!
Salvation and healing is a CHOICE! Here is what I mean. Imagine for a minute I was handing out $100 bills. (NO IM NOT, that is why I said "imagine".) I can hand it to you, but if you dont take it, it will just fall to the ground. For you to have the money, you must TAKE HOLD OF IT! The Bible is quite clear in many scriptures that healing is there for the taking, BUT we must take it. HOWEVER if satan is whispering in your ear constantly that you will never be healed, or that you dont "deserve" to be healed, or that somehow you got this disease. They are ALL LIES!
Case 2, satan is a liar!
Im tired of satan lying, and whispering, and fooling and cheating all of us from what God has promised us. God has promised His people what we need. He did NOT promise us illness. Illness is from satan and not of God, so by that train of thought, health is from God. (Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy! John 10:10). Isaiah 53: 5 says, But He was pierced for our transgressions, and he was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well being fell upon him, and by HIS scourging, we are healed. NO IFS, AND'S OR BUT'S, we are healed because Jesus took the beatings on his body for not only our sins, but for our sickness. God does not want to see ANY perish, but for all to have eternal life. Does this mean that we will never die, of course not, we live in a fallen world, and death is part of it, but that does not mean that we have to live with bad health either. It is amazing to me that we as Christians have chosen to "give away" our birthright, and that is the ability to live Holy and anointed lives for Jesus. Am I suddenly saying that I am "mr perfect", of course not, because Im so far from perfect it's not funny, but I think I have finally come to the truth of what living a Godly, Christian life is all about. God has given all of us an outline if you will for living the life HE wants us to live, and to HONOR him.
So what can we do to fix this situation? I think it is a matter of faith! We cant see faith, but we know when we have it, and we know when it works, but we have issues with it. I really dont understand why! I personally think that we as Christians have gotten lazy in our faith and our beliefs. It is so easy these days with all of our toys to get distracted and sooner than later we get lazy about worshiping God. We get lazy about praying. We get lazy about going to church instead of the lake on Sundays. Im not saying that you should not go the lake. Just dont go every weekend and give up on church for the summer. Im just saying that I truly feel that God is making His people ready for something HE wants to do, and I think that it is going to be a biggie. Im NOT a prophet, Im just me. Im just putting an idea out there that we should all at least think about.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - 3RD CHEMO DAY
Well, in out of the rain, and now am hooked up and got some kind of "buzz" drug going in before the chemicals for this round. LOL Looks like this round will be the last for a few weeks, till I get 2 more of different chemical during radiation. It appears that radiation from the Dr's point of view is going to take place. They want to make sure that they kill of this mass and bury it. My hope and prayer is that they do exactly that and not harm any of the good. God is able to direct this radiation to the bad spots and make sure that ONLY the bad is harmed, and killed off.
I pretty much right now live from treatment to treatment. What I have found is that it is getting easier to not only do these treatments, but to talk about it more freely with others. I had an awesome opportunity last night to chat with an older lady who has had a pretty rough year in 2011. Dr's discovered a small cancer on her soft palet and a small place on the back of her tongue. 79 years old and had to go thru an excruciating surgery and recovery period with not only chemo but radiation of her neck and mouth. YET she is handling this all with an amazing grace and attitude. She is the mother of one of my friends. My friend and her husband are Assembly of God Pastors, actually considered US Missionaries here in St. Louis. Wonderful people that I am proud to call my friends. It was a real joy meeting her mom last night. We chatted for over an hour, trading stories about what we are going thru, while similar so very different. She had major surgery on her jaw, soft palet, and tongue. She had to have a trach put in and breathe and talk thru that for awhile HOWEVER that is out and she is talking perfectly with just a very small lisp. She apologized for that, but honestly there was no need, she was fine, and a real joy to talk to. God is so merciful. I can only hope that I can come thru this with the same attitude and grace that she has. 79 years old and almost as agile as a cat. She gave up her chair for my wife to sit in and she literally "hopped" onto her bed. I was amazed.
So what is all of the really accomplishing? I know one thing for sure, it has changed my life, turned it upside down and sideways, and has started leading me on a journey I never expected. Twists and turns. About the time you "think" you have things figured out, look out, its going to change. Gods plans are rarely our plans, but that does not mean they are bad plans. HIS plans are ALWAYS perfect, we just need to relax and let HIM have his way in our lives and life will be so very much easier. This journey as I have been calling it since the beginning. (Well they just hooked up the Benidryl, that is to prevent the possibility of a reaction from the Carboplatin. That is one nasty drug. Problem is Benidryl makes me a tad sleepy) I recalled something last night that really got me thinking possibly one reason I did not sleep well last night. I remember in the Dr office a week after they discovered this mass in my throat, the Dr said he was 99.9% certain that what the CT Scan showed was in fact cancer. I held it together in his office and till I got thru the parking garage, but totally lost it emotionally once out of the garage. Should have pulled over but did not. Drove thru the tears and heavy sobs. Did not know what to think or do. but they I thought to myself, God if you are real, and your word is true then Im healed. God never ever gives us more than we can handle, though at times I kinda wish He did not think so much of my abilities. LOL. I saw this again with my friends last night. She spent 11 months living away from her husband who was here in St. Louis, living in KC with her mom. She was literally her moms 24 hour duty nurse. God was with her the whole time, always available and she never had more than she could handle, though at the time, Im sure she wondered. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect, His PLANS are always perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 says (MESSAGE BIBLE) I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another version says it a bit different, but the meaning is all the same. HE CARES FOR US MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW! His plans are always above our plans, His was are far beyond our ways, and HE will NEVER let us down, NEVER! We often will let ourselves down, because we decide to go our own way, or step out of His will. I know I have done that way to many times in this 60+ years of my life. THANKFULLY Gods grace is sufficient. He is always there with His arms open wide welcoming us back like the proverbial prodigal son.
BLOGSPOT has changed its format for the better. I can now see how many people have looked at and/or read my blogs. I must say Im totally honored and humbled by how many people have stopped by and read my blogs. To this point over 2700. I had thought well maybe as many as 500 but 2700, WOW, and HUGE thank you to everyone. Makes me feel like Im maybe making a difference.
Well the Benedryl is doing its job and Im getting kinda tired and making typo's so I probably ought to end this and start doing something mindless or just take a nap! LOL
I pretty much right now live from treatment to treatment. What I have found is that it is getting easier to not only do these treatments, but to talk about it more freely with others. I had an awesome opportunity last night to chat with an older lady who has had a pretty rough year in 2011. Dr's discovered a small cancer on her soft palet and a small place on the back of her tongue. 79 years old and had to go thru an excruciating surgery and recovery period with not only chemo but radiation of her neck and mouth. YET she is handling this all with an amazing grace and attitude. She is the mother of one of my friends. My friend and her husband are Assembly of God Pastors, actually considered US Missionaries here in St. Louis. Wonderful people that I am proud to call my friends. It was a real joy meeting her mom last night. We chatted for over an hour, trading stories about what we are going thru, while similar so very different. She had major surgery on her jaw, soft palet, and tongue. She had to have a trach put in and breathe and talk thru that for awhile HOWEVER that is out and she is talking perfectly with just a very small lisp. She apologized for that, but honestly there was no need, she was fine, and a real joy to talk to. God is so merciful. I can only hope that I can come thru this with the same attitude and grace that she has. 79 years old and almost as agile as a cat. She gave up her chair for my wife to sit in and she literally "hopped" onto her bed. I was amazed.
So what is all of the really accomplishing? I know one thing for sure, it has changed my life, turned it upside down and sideways, and has started leading me on a journey I never expected. Twists and turns. About the time you "think" you have things figured out, look out, its going to change. Gods plans are rarely our plans, but that does not mean they are bad plans. HIS plans are ALWAYS perfect, we just need to relax and let HIM have his way in our lives and life will be so very much easier. This journey as I have been calling it since the beginning. (Well they just hooked up the Benidryl, that is to prevent the possibility of a reaction from the Carboplatin. That is one nasty drug. Problem is Benidryl makes me a tad sleepy) I recalled something last night that really got me thinking possibly one reason I did not sleep well last night. I remember in the Dr office a week after they discovered this mass in my throat, the Dr said he was 99.9% certain that what the CT Scan showed was in fact cancer. I held it together in his office and till I got thru the parking garage, but totally lost it emotionally once out of the garage. Should have pulled over but did not. Drove thru the tears and heavy sobs. Did not know what to think or do. but they I thought to myself, God if you are real, and your word is true then Im healed. God never ever gives us more than we can handle, though at times I kinda wish He did not think so much of my abilities. LOL. I saw this again with my friends last night. She spent 11 months living away from her husband who was here in St. Louis, living in KC with her mom. She was literally her moms 24 hour duty nurse. God was with her the whole time, always available and she never had more than she could handle, though at the time, Im sure she wondered. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect, His PLANS are always perfect. Jeremiah 29:11 says (MESSAGE BIBLE) I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Another version says it a bit different, but the meaning is all the same. HE CARES FOR US MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW! His plans are always above our plans, His was are far beyond our ways, and HE will NEVER let us down, NEVER! We often will let ourselves down, because we decide to go our own way, or step out of His will. I know I have done that way to many times in this 60+ years of my life. THANKFULLY Gods grace is sufficient. He is always there with His arms open wide welcoming us back like the proverbial prodigal son.
BLOGSPOT has changed its format for the better. I can now see how many people have looked at and/or read my blogs. I must say Im totally honored and humbled by how many people have stopped by and read my blogs. To this point over 2700. I had thought well maybe as many as 500 but 2700, WOW, and HUGE thank you to everyone. Makes me feel like Im maybe making a difference.
Well the Benedryl is doing its job and Im getting kinda tired and making typo's so I probably ought to end this and start doing something mindless or just take a nap! LOL
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - BE A DREAM MAKER
Well today was supposed to be a day for treatment #3. As it turns out my blood platelets were too low for the chemo so we are waiting another week. :( Kinda bummed, but it is what it is. It is hard to get psyched up, then find out they are not going to do the treatment. The also pushes back the end game. I will now have a PET scan on the 14th of May instead of the 7th, and radiation wont start till the week of the 21st. That pushes the end of this surreal journey to sometime in July. NOT what I planned, but I should have known that it is NOT about my plans but Gods. Ive known this from the very beginning, but sometimes we just like to plan things our way. (Here is the place for the "Gibb's head slap!) LOL I just "think" I have too much to do to be bound by a "treatment" schedule. I should know better! Guess I just need a bit more patience!
Im actually feeling really good, just down a bit mentally. I guess this 4th week will be a blessing in disguise as I will undoubtably feel even better. I just wish the cooler weather and rain was not in the forecast! :) Someone told me a bit ago, that Gods timing is really all that counts, so we will go with that. For those who have not seen me lately, you might not recognize me. NO hair. NO mustache. Been told I look much younger. So with that thought in mind, I dont care if the hair comes back or not. LOL ONLY one problem, my head gets COLD! We like to keep our bedroom cool at night, usually with the window open, so Renita found me a light weight skull cap to use at night. It is actually for bikers to wear in the cooler weather under their helmets, but it works perfect for keeping my head warm. LOVE it!
I actually have borrowed this title from something I saw the other day. Be a DREAM MAKER, not a DREAM BREAKER! What does that mean. Well, Ive been on both sides of this thought. Ive tried most all the time to be an encourager, or a "Dream Maker", but sometimes I fail and become a "Dream Breaker". A Dream Maker is someone who encourages, who allows someone to realize their dreams. Who makes it possible for people to succeed, and encourages them along the way to follow that dream. Someone who allows God to show them the way to help others. How often have all of us done things "our" thinking we were doing the right thing, but it did not work out that way. We became "Dream Breakers" A Dream Breaker is someone who is negative most of the time, does not allow someone to realize their dreams, and when they hear about someones dreams, the do everything they can to NOT allow them to become reality. How many times have any of us done that. I know I have. Maybe not intentionally, but we are having a bad day, and it just comes out! All those negative thoughts just explode out of your mouth and before you can stop it, you have shattered someones feelings. OH MY, I shudder to think about how many times Ive done that. In fact I used to pride myself of being able to really "tell someone off", man how I wish I could take some of that back. You can NEVER take back words like that. It is like trying to un-ring a bell, cant be done. THANKFULLY we have God to forgive us and help us make things right, and to help us along the way so we hopefully wont go that direction again.
I encourage you to really think of the consequences of your tongue. It is often times just plain embarrassing to hear yourself. :) PLEASE keep in mind, Im talking about myself here.
Remember be a DREAM MAKER. Encourage someone today. Even if it is just a friendly HI going into or out of a store to a stranger. Send an email to someone who has been on your mind. Send a friendly Face Book post to someone you have not seen or heard from in some time. You never know who you might touch in THEIR time of need. That friendly HI, might be all they need to keep them going for the day or week. Its amazing the little things that God can use. Stay encouraged yourself. Remember that God loves you, and CARES about you. For those of you who do not believe that, think about this. If he cares about the birds of the air, how much more would he care for you? TONS! Just remember that, when you get down. I had to remember that today, even as I was writing this, I had to remember that God loves me and cares for me, and so what if the treatment goes into July, its just a few weeks later. NO big deal. We will go on vacation in the fall. I was reminded the other day that an installation Ive been waiting to hear about is delayed and that delay may well be so I can be able to do it. (IF that is the case I feel bad because their job is delayed. :)) God's way is not always our way, but it is ALWAYS the perfect way!
Im actually feeling really good, just down a bit mentally. I guess this 4th week will be a blessing in disguise as I will undoubtably feel even better. I just wish the cooler weather and rain was not in the forecast! :) Someone told me a bit ago, that Gods timing is really all that counts, so we will go with that. For those who have not seen me lately, you might not recognize me. NO hair. NO mustache. Been told I look much younger. So with that thought in mind, I dont care if the hair comes back or not. LOL ONLY one problem, my head gets COLD! We like to keep our bedroom cool at night, usually with the window open, so Renita found me a light weight skull cap to use at night. It is actually for bikers to wear in the cooler weather under their helmets, but it works perfect for keeping my head warm. LOVE it!
I actually have borrowed this title from something I saw the other day. Be a DREAM MAKER, not a DREAM BREAKER! What does that mean. Well, Ive been on both sides of this thought. Ive tried most all the time to be an encourager, or a "Dream Maker", but sometimes I fail and become a "Dream Breaker". A Dream Maker is someone who encourages, who allows someone to realize their dreams. Who makes it possible for people to succeed, and encourages them along the way to follow that dream. Someone who allows God to show them the way to help others. How often have all of us done things "our" thinking we were doing the right thing, but it did not work out that way. We became "Dream Breakers" A Dream Breaker is someone who is negative most of the time, does not allow someone to realize their dreams, and when they hear about someones dreams, the do everything they can to NOT allow them to become reality. How many times have any of us done that. I know I have. Maybe not intentionally, but we are having a bad day, and it just comes out! All those negative thoughts just explode out of your mouth and before you can stop it, you have shattered someones feelings. OH MY, I shudder to think about how many times Ive done that. In fact I used to pride myself of being able to really "tell someone off", man how I wish I could take some of that back. You can NEVER take back words like that. It is like trying to un-ring a bell, cant be done. THANKFULLY we have God to forgive us and help us make things right, and to help us along the way so we hopefully wont go that direction again.
I encourage you to really think of the consequences of your tongue. It is often times just plain embarrassing to hear yourself. :) PLEASE keep in mind, Im talking about myself here.
Remember be a DREAM MAKER. Encourage someone today. Even if it is just a friendly HI going into or out of a store to a stranger. Send an email to someone who has been on your mind. Send a friendly Face Book post to someone you have not seen or heard from in some time. You never know who you might touch in THEIR time of need. That friendly HI, might be all they need to keep them going for the day or week. Its amazing the little things that God can use. Stay encouraged yourself. Remember that God loves you, and CARES about you. For those of you who do not believe that, think about this. If he cares about the birds of the air, how much more would he care for you? TONS! Just remember that, when you get down. I had to remember that today, even as I was writing this, I had to remember that God loves me and cares for me, and so what if the treatment goes into July, its just a few weeks later. NO big deal. We will go on vacation in the fall. I was reminded the other day that an installation Ive been waiting to hear about is delayed and that delay may well be so I can be able to do it. (IF that is the case I feel bad because their job is delayed. :)) God's way is not always our way, but it is ALWAYS the perfect way!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - 2ND ROUND DAY 8
I was debating writing tonight or another night and decided that I probably ought to do it tonight. Got some things on my mind, so why not? :)
Well it has been 6 days since the Neulasta shot, and PRAISE GOD NO ill effects. As you all know since i wrote about it, we tried a couple of new things for this round. Last time if you recall, I had horrible side effects from the shot, and was absolutely miserable for about a week. This time we started using Claritin and Motrin about 3 days before the "anticipated" shot date, however we also changed that to a day later. It all seems to have worked because this time NO PAIN! YAY! I dont know what worked the best, but obviously any or all of what we tried worked. SO my thought is that if any of you are going thru what I am and have issues with the Neulasta, give these a try!
One thing that I do know for certain. The nodes in my neck are almost totally gone as far as feeling them, and Im assuming that the thing on my voice box is about gone as well. This is all awesome news. Im pumped! :)
I had decided several weeks ago that I was going to sing in the Easter Choir at church, if there was going to be one. While I had several people say maybe I should not sing, or for me to not get my hopes up about being able to sing, or just plain rest, there was a choir and I did sing! I sang on Friday night for the Good Friday service, and then practiced on Saturday for 2 hours, then sang in 2 services on Sunday! The upshot of all this is I had NO ill effects from this. My voice is fine, and in fact feels better that it has felt in months. I did not have quite my whole normal range, but it was all good, and what I had got a good workout! LOL! Why is this significant? Because this "tumor thing" is on my voice box, supposedly keeping me from doing such things. I've said many times, I NOT giving the "c" word ANY credence and will continue to do so. My healing was bought and paid for on the cross when Jesus died and took on that healing by His stripes. (Isaiah 53:4-5) Now it is just a matter of the Dr's saying so. YES I will continue treatments, but I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am healed.
I've had several people tell me to expect this or that as far as the treatments go. In all honesty, I've been tired, had some "GI" issues LOL, but really this time around nothing else. The 1st round was kinda skewed because I got the flu on top of everything else! So in my humble opinion Im blessed! Kinda hard to believe that I would say that, but honestly I feel that way. I could be a whole lot worse than I am and Im not! Could use some extra energy, but that will come! Bike riding season is upon us and I will eventually get out and ride! Probably not 20 miles 1st few rides, but I'll get there!
Have a blessed day!
Well it has been 6 days since the Neulasta shot, and PRAISE GOD NO ill effects. As you all know since i wrote about it, we tried a couple of new things for this round. Last time if you recall, I had horrible side effects from the shot, and was absolutely miserable for about a week. This time we started using Claritin and Motrin about 3 days before the "anticipated" shot date, however we also changed that to a day later. It all seems to have worked because this time NO PAIN! YAY! I dont know what worked the best, but obviously any or all of what we tried worked. SO my thought is that if any of you are going thru what I am and have issues with the Neulasta, give these a try!
One thing that I do know for certain. The nodes in my neck are almost totally gone as far as feeling them, and Im assuming that the thing on my voice box is about gone as well. This is all awesome news. Im pumped! :)
I had decided several weeks ago that I was going to sing in the Easter Choir at church, if there was going to be one. While I had several people say maybe I should not sing, or for me to not get my hopes up about being able to sing, or just plain rest, there was a choir and I did sing! I sang on Friday night for the Good Friday service, and then practiced on Saturday for 2 hours, then sang in 2 services on Sunday! The upshot of all this is I had NO ill effects from this. My voice is fine, and in fact feels better that it has felt in months. I did not have quite my whole normal range, but it was all good, and what I had got a good workout! LOL! Why is this significant? Because this "tumor thing" is on my voice box, supposedly keeping me from doing such things. I've said many times, I NOT giving the "c" word ANY credence and will continue to do so. My healing was bought and paid for on the cross when Jesus died and took on that healing by His stripes. (Isaiah 53:4-5) Now it is just a matter of the Dr's saying so. YES I will continue treatments, but I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am healed.
I've had several people tell me to expect this or that as far as the treatments go. In all honesty, I've been tired, had some "GI" issues LOL, but really this time around nothing else. The 1st round was kinda skewed because I got the flu on top of everything else! So in my humble opinion Im blessed! Kinda hard to believe that I would say that, but honestly I feel that way. I could be a whole lot worse than I am and Im not! Could use some extra energy, but that will come! Bike riding season is upon us and I will eventually get out and ride! Probably not 20 miles 1st few rides, but I'll get there!
Have a blessed day!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - BOX 256
Well let me start by saying that this is probably a bit different than the other blogs I have written. I'll get to the title later. 1st, let me go over a few things. If you recall, I talked about trying some different things to counteract the effects of the Neulasta shot. THOSE seem to be working. We waited an extra day, started Claritin, and Motrin. Not sure if all or one things has helped but it has. Pretty much no pain from it. PRAISE GOD for that!!! 2nd of all once again pretty much no ill effects from the chemo, with the exception of fatigue! That seems to be a very common thing and while frustrating, if that is the worst, I can deal with that. LOL In addition, I sang with the Easter Choir on Friday night and 2 services today. WOW God is so good and merciful. Absolutely no ill effects from singing. Amazing what God will do when you praise him. My voice, while in my body, belongs to God and I will praise Him with it.
OK now to the title of this blog. I will admit that it is really strange, and honestly not one I would have picked, but you see, I did not pick it. God did! After a rather fitful sleep last night, this whole writing was given to me. I know that someone out there beside me, needs to read this. God dealt very specifically with me and was specific that I should be writing this with this title. Often times when I think of something in the middle of the night, I dont remember much the next morning. This time is the exception to that.
I have no idea why the number 256 is important, except to say that it is apparently my number. You see we all have "boxes" in our lives where we keep "things". Be they good, bad, or indifferent. We have areas categorized, it is just how our brains work. Often times we bury things deep in our memory and just forget it. However, I believe that God is wanting to move in lives and wants our complete attention. He wants us to know him in a much deeper way and with a deeper commitment. Please forgive me if this sounds too "preachy" or something that offends, Im just giving what I got. :)
Lets look at this for a minute. While we all have these boxes and we have buried them in the deep recesses of our minds, we KNOW what they contain. Like I said, could be things we have done that were not quite right, things we said that offended or hurt, could even be some good things but we just put it away because it was part of a hurt. I know in my case this box has a lot of things I would really just as soon not remember. While God told me that I dont have to open this box, I do have to throw it away. What is past is past! THANK YOU JESUS for the mercy and grace he gives us. Ive heard Pastors, and visiting speakers talk about "imagining" that you are throwing a hurt away, and letting God take it on himself. I've heard Pastors talk about imagining "nailing" something to the cross, especially at this time of year. While all of these are good ideas, what Im talking about takes all those ideas to a much higher level. This is a level of trust that goes so far beyond that. This takes us to a level of trust in God that He is wanting from us.
Like I said, I dont know why my "box" is 256. Maybe it just happens to be in that part of my brain. I just know that it is there and that the secrets it contains belongs to God. Yours might be 75, or 100 or any number or it might not even have a number. Like I said, all of us has this hidden box. You do not have to open it and find all those hurts again. What you have to do is just turn them over to God and let his mercy cover them. Let God have that box,you dont need it anyway. It is just there cluttering up the space. :) I know that what God has put in the past is past, and we have to move on from this day and keep God in the forefront of out lives and let Him lead us. I know that for some of you out there that might know know Jesus in a personal way, what Im saying is probably very strange, but trust me, it is very real, and should you want to know more about Jesus, I would be happy to tell you more.
OK now to the title of this blog. I will admit that it is really strange, and honestly not one I would have picked, but you see, I did not pick it. God did! After a rather fitful sleep last night, this whole writing was given to me. I know that someone out there beside me, needs to read this. God dealt very specifically with me and was specific that I should be writing this with this title. Often times when I think of something in the middle of the night, I dont remember much the next morning. This time is the exception to that.
I have no idea why the number 256 is important, except to say that it is apparently my number. You see we all have "boxes" in our lives where we keep "things". Be they good, bad, or indifferent. We have areas categorized, it is just how our brains work. Often times we bury things deep in our memory and just forget it. However, I believe that God is wanting to move in lives and wants our complete attention. He wants us to know him in a much deeper way and with a deeper commitment. Please forgive me if this sounds too "preachy" or something that offends, Im just giving what I got. :)
Lets look at this for a minute. While we all have these boxes and we have buried them in the deep recesses of our minds, we KNOW what they contain. Like I said, could be things we have done that were not quite right, things we said that offended or hurt, could even be some good things but we just put it away because it was part of a hurt. I know in my case this box has a lot of things I would really just as soon not remember. While God told me that I dont have to open this box, I do have to throw it away. What is past is past! THANK YOU JESUS for the mercy and grace he gives us. Ive heard Pastors, and visiting speakers talk about "imagining" that you are throwing a hurt away, and letting God take it on himself. I've heard Pastors talk about imagining "nailing" something to the cross, especially at this time of year. While all of these are good ideas, what Im talking about takes all those ideas to a much higher level. This is a level of trust that goes so far beyond that. This takes us to a level of trust in God that He is wanting from us.
Like I said, I dont know why my "box" is 256. Maybe it just happens to be in that part of my brain. I just know that it is there and that the secrets it contains belongs to God. Yours might be 75, or 100 or any number or it might not even have a number. Like I said, all of us has this hidden box. You do not have to open it and find all those hurts again. What you have to do is just turn them over to God and let his mercy cover them. Let God have that box,you dont need it anyway. It is just there cluttering up the space. :) I know that what God has put in the past is past, and we have to move on from this day and keep God in the forefront of out lives and let Him lead us. I know that for some of you out there that might know know Jesus in a personal way, what Im saying is probably very strange, but trust me, it is very real, and should you want to know more about Jesus, I would be happy to tell you more.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
LIFE AT 60 - 2ND ROUND
Just saw the Dr. Answered a few questions I had, now Im all hooked up for the next couple of hours. LOL Very nice nurses and they dont seem to mind my kidding them. Looks like I have one more chemo after this one, then 35 treatments of radiation. THAT Im not looking forward to. The radiation from everything Ive been told is the most "damaging" to my throat, voice, etc. I know that God is protecting me and I know that no permanent harm will come to me. THANKFULLY I still have my voice and am able to sing and will be doing that this weekend in choir for Easter. Dr said I will probably temporarily lose my voice during radiation. HOWEVER Im just believing that all will be good and that everything will go according to Gods plan.
The Dr also said to wait an extra day or 2 to get the Neulasta shot. That apparently helps with the bone and joint pain. SO I will come in on Thursday and see what happens! AHHH the new journeys one travels when going thru treatments. LOL
Took a Benedryl pill this time as they were out of IV for it. Now I have a bag of nausea medicine going in, THEN I get the poison! Actually it really is toxic, but the body is able to withstand it. Our bodies are pretty amazing all things considered. We can withstand pretty much anything and take a pretty good hit of chemicals to fight disease. The radiation is toxic, the chemicals are toxic, pretty much everything done to treat the C word is toxic. BUT they have over an 85% cure rate doing what they do. That is way better than it used to be.
I had a friend on Sunday ask me if I "knew" how many people are praying for me. In all honesty I had to say no. I really dont. I know it is a lot, but an actual number is beyond my comprehension. I know there are total strangers praying, all because they were asked to. A lady at church, who I dont know, heard my name and said she had been praying. Gods Kingdom is pretty amazing. It seems that we are all family, just because we serve a very big God. One thing I do know for certain, is that life is different. Basically a whole new outlook. Ive noticed myself looking at things a lot different. Noticing the trees, grass, flowers. (EVEN if they do make me sneeze) LOL Ive also taken notice of people and their situations. Ive noticed children that have cancer and see how they handle it, and it blows me away. Pound for pound, they probably take a bigger hit of the drugs than I do, yet they handle their situation far better.
I have to admit, there were days over the last couple of weeks, I just wanted to quit. I guess it was getting a virus on top of treatments, and on top of pain, etc. HOWEVER I have several friends that either message me on face book or text me just to see how Im doing and to say "hang in there" or "Im praying" Those little notes mean so very much. I have a wife who has been there every step of the way and has encouraged me and pulled me thru some very dark hours. Im believing that I will be virus free this time and things will be much better. The chemo really was not that bad, so getting the shot a day later and "pre-treating" with Claritin, and Motrin, I should be good. LOL
It looks like the weather is going to cool down a bit later this week, maybe I can get out and ride my bicycle a mile or 2. (actually would like to get 10 miles in for a couple of days.)
Well they just started the Taxotere, the bad cells are running for their lives!!! This stuff is like RAID is to ants. The Carboplatin is next, I guess I get my fill of "carbs" today! The drag is the Taxotere also affects my taste buds, so even water tastes funny! OH WELL the price of being beautiful and healthy! Beautiful because I figure in about a week or so, I should be totally bald, and you know they say bald is beautiful!!! LOL If things go according to plan, I should be about done with this mess by my birthday in mid June. Gonna P A R T Y!!!! Actually I think Renita and I will take a vacation somewhere fun!
I really hope that my blogs are uplifting and helpful to those of you out there that read them and need a lift physically, mentally, spiritually. I go thru the same ups and downs as others with this wretched disease, I just look to God for help when I need it, and believe me, that is a constant cry for help. :) HE is always faithful.
The Dr also said to wait an extra day or 2 to get the Neulasta shot. That apparently helps with the bone and joint pain. SO I will come in on Thursday and see what happens! AHHH the new journeys one travels when going thru treatments. LOL
Took a Benedryl pill this time as they were out of IV for it. Now I have a bag of nausea medicine going in, THEN I get the poison! Actually it really is toxic, but the body is able to withstand it. Our bodies are pretty amazing all things considered. We can withstand pretty much anything and take a pretty good hit of chemicals to fight disease. The radiation is toxic, the chemicals are toxic, pretty much everything done to treat the C word is toxic. BUT they have over an 85% cure rate doing what they do. That is way better than it used to be.
I had a friend on Sunday ask me if I "knew" how many people are praying for me. In all honesty I had to say no. I really dont. I know it is a lot, but an actual number is beyond my comprehension. I know there are total strangers praying, all because they were asked to. A lady at church, who I dont know, heard my name and said she had been praying. Gods Kingdom is pretty amazing. It seems that we are all family, just because we serve a very big God. One thing I do know for certain, is that life is different. Basically a whole new outlook. Ive noticed myself looking at things a lot different. Noticing the trees, grass, flowers. (EVEN if they do make me sneeze) LOL Ive also taken notice of people and their situations. Ive noticed children that have cancer and see how they handle it, and it blows me away. Pound for pound, they probably take a bigger hit of the drugs than I do, yet they handle their situation far better.
I have to admit, there were days over the last couple of weeks, I just wanted to quit. I guess it was getting a virus on top of treatments, and on top of pain, etc. HOWEVER I have several friends that either message me on face book or text me just to see how Im doing and to say "hang in there" or "Im praying" Those little notes mean so very much. I have a wife who has been there every step of the way and has encouraged me and pulled me thru some very dark hours. Im believing that I will be virus free this time and things will be much better. The chemo really was not that bad, so getting the shot a day later and "pre-treating" with Claritin, and Motrin, I should be good. LOL
It looks like the weather is going to cool down a bit later this week, maybe I can get out and ride my bicycle a mile or 2. (actually would like to get 10 miles in for a couple of days.)
Well they just started the Taxotere, the bad cells are running for their lives!!! This stuff is like RAID is to ants. The Carboplatin is next, I guess I get my fill of "carbs" today! The drag is the Taxotere also affects my taste buds, so even water tastes funny! OH WELL the price of being beautiful and healthy! Beautiful because I figure in about a week or so, I should be totally bald, and you know they say bald is beautiful!!! LOL If things go according to plan, I should be about done with this mess by my birthday in mid June. Gonna P A R T Y!!!! Actually I think Renita and I will take a vacation somewhere fun!
I really hope that my blogs are uplifting and helpful to those of you out there that read them and need a lift physically, mentally, spiritually. I go thru the same ups and downs as others with this wretched disease, I just look to God for help when I need it, and believe me, that is a constant cry for help. :) HE is always faithful.
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