LIFE AT 60 - 3RD CHEMO DAY

Well, in out of the rain, and now am hooked up and got some kind of "buzz" drug going in before the chemicals for this round.  LOL  Looks like this round will be the last for a few weeks, till I get 2 more of different chemical during radiation.  It appears that radiation from the Dr's point of view is going to take place.  They want to make sure that they kill of this mass and bury it.  My hope and prayer is that they do exactly that and not harm any of the good.  God is able to direct this radiation to the bad spots and make sure that ONLY the bad is harmed, and killed off.


I pretty much right now live from treatment to treatment.  What I have found is that it is getting easier to not only do these treatments, but to talk about it more freely with others.  I had an awesome opportunity last night to chat with an older lady who has had a pretty rough year in 2011.  Dr's discovered a small cancer on her soft palet and a small place on the back of her tongue.  79 years old and had to go thru an excruciating surgery and recovery period with not only chemo but radiation of her neck and mouth.  YET she is handling this all with an amazing grace and attitude.  She is the mother of one of my friends.  My friend and her husband are Assembly of God Pastors, actually considered US Missionaries here in St. Louis.  Wonderful people that I am proud to call my friends.  It was a real joy meeting her mom last night.  We chatted for over an hour, trading stories about what we are going thru, while similar so very different. She had major surgery on her jaw, soft palet, and tongue.  She had to have a trach put in and breathe and talk thru that for awhile HOWEVER that is out and she is talking perfectly with just a very small lisp.  She apologized for that, but honestly there was no need, she was fine, and a real joy to talk to.  God is so merciful.  I can only hope that I can come thru this with the same attitude and grace that she has.  79 years old and almost as agile as a cat.  She gave up her chair for my wife to sit in and she literally "hopped" onto her bed.  I was amazed.

So what is all of the really accomplishing?  I know one thing for sure, it has changed my life, turned it upside down and sideways, and has started leading me on a journey I never expected.  Twists and turns.  About the time you "think" you have things figured out, look out, its going to change.  Gods plans are rarely our plans, but that does not mean they are bad plans.  HIS plans are ALWAYS perfect, we just need to relax and let HIM have his way in our lives and life will be so very much easier.  This journey as I have been calling it since the beginning.  (Well they just hooked up the Benidryl, that is to prevent the possibility of a reaction from the Carboplatin.  That is one nasty drug.  Problem is Benidryl makes me a tad sleepy)  I recalled something last night that really got me thinking possibly one reason I did not sleep well last night.  I remember in the Dr office a week after they discovered this mass in my throat, the Dr said he was 99.9% certain that what the CT Scan showed was in fact cancer.  I held it together in his office and till I got thru the parking garage, but totally lost it emotionally once out of the garage.  Should have pulled over but did not.  Drove thru the tears and heavy sobs.  Did not know what to think or do.  but they I thought to myself, God if you are real, and your word is true then Im healed.  God never ever gives us more than we can handle, though at times I kinda wish He did not think so much of my abilities.  LOL.  I saw this again with my friends last night.  She spent 11 months living away from her husband who was here in St. Louis, living in KC with her mom.  She was literally her moms 24 hour duty nurse.  God was with her the whole time, always available and she never had more than she could handle, though at the time, Im sure she wondered.  Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20, Gods timing is ALWAYS perfect, His PLANS are always perfect.  Jeremiah 29:11 says (MESSAGE BIBLE) I know what I'm doing, I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  Another version says it a bit different, but the meaning is all the same. HE CARES FOR US MORE THAN WE WILL EVER KNOW!  His plans are always above our plans, His was are far beyond our ways, and HE will NEVER let us down, NEVER!  We often will let ourselves down, because we decide to go our own way, or step out of His will. I know I have done that way to many times in this 60+ years of my life.  THANKFULLY Gods grace is sufficient. He is always there with His arms open wide welcoming us back like the proverbial prodigal son.


BLOGSPOT has changed its format for the better.  I can now see how many people have looked at and/or read my blogs.  I must say Im totally honored and humbled by how many people have stopped by and read my blogs.  To this point over 2700.  I had thought well maybe as many as 500 but 2700, WOW, and HUGE thank you to everyone.  Makes me feel like Im maybe making a difference.

Well the Benedryl is doing its job and Im getting kinda tired and making typo's so I probably ought to end this and start doing something mindless or just take a nap!  LOL